Head Tilt 54: Do you recognize me? (Recognition Series 1/4)

Me, incognito. (Shhhhhhh!)

If this were an episode of "Friends," it would be called The One with the Big Misunderstanding. 

This happened years ago with one of my biggest corporate clients. An employee who had just completed a two-week leadership training with me reached out for one-on-one coaching. I said yes, of course!

And then-- due to many reasons, but none worth typing now-- I let him slip through the cracks. 

My intention was great, but my execution of that intention was awful. 

That follow-through faux pas escalated into a communication misunderstanding. Again, my intention was very good, but that didn't really matter because the impact of that intention was a big swimming pool belly flop. 

I felt awful. I apologized. I wanted to make everything right. The employee, however, thought I had purposefully wronged him, and he was determined to die on that hill. 

The next thing I knew, the VP of Human Resources contacted me and asked me to meet her at Starbucks. 

😳

For context, I didn't know the director well. She was a powerful leader within the organization. She was also a no-B.S. New Yorker. I respected her greatly, and I was nervous about this meeting. We had never done anything beyond the training room, let alone socially. (eep!)

And as an external consultant, she owed me nothing. Nothing at all. This couldn't be good.

I arrived at Starbucks early so I could get a table. I got my tea and anxiously waited at a spot near the window. 

Would she chastise me?

Can I contract with this company ever again? 

I spotted her, tried to muster some confidence, and waved. She flashed a small smile, got some coffee, and joined me. 

After our brief hellos, she said something I'll never forget. 

She started with this:

"Michelle, you've been partnering with us for quite a while. And in all that time, I don't think I've ever told you how much we appreciate you and what you do for our company. Thank you."

Wait. What did I just hear? 

She went on to say only this about the employee hiccup:

"He learned, you learned, and now we all move on."

That was it. 

She then guided the conversation to lighter topics. We finished our caffeine and went on our way. 

Never before have I felt so recognized by an employer. 

• She took time for me, making a special effort to meet.
• She knew my character and gave me the benefit of the doubt. 
• She expressed gratitude in a way that mattered to me.

(I still work for that company to this day!)

Employee recognition is defined as the expressed acknowledgment to an individual or team for their contributions to the organization. 

The right recognition increases engagement and loyalty and builds trust.

Who wouldn't want that? 

For more on recognition:

• This one provides a list of tried-and-true ways to recognize others at work that go way beyond Amazon gift cards. 
• This one is about the time I did a really good job at recognizing my group's efforts, even though I broke some rules in the process.
• This one talks about the Platinum Rule and delivering recognition that lands.

But for now, I want to offer you a tiny bit of recognition:

Thank You! 

Thank you for reading my posts 

and encouraging me to write more. I appreciate you! 

Now go make someone's day with a little recognition. 😊

The comment feature isn't working, but I'd still love to have a conversation! Email me at 53thingsIthinkIknow@gmail.com

Keeping it real when things fall apart

I returned last night from a week-long stay in Chicago. 

Oh my--what a fabulous, fantastic city! I had no idea!

I went there to get away. To clear my mind. To see things from a different perspective. To have some fun. 

And I did. 

For the most part. 

Except when I didn't.

I should have learned from Uncle Remus when he said,

"You can't run away from trouble. There ain't no place that far."

(There's no need to say more about that except that things have been more challenging in the past couple of months than when I was traversing leukemia-territory years ago.) 

No mud, no lotus, right? Right.

I had the rare and appreciated opportunity to return from my trip to both an empty house and an open schedule-- just for the next two days. 

I could exhale. Time to turn the kindful lens on myself: what is the most mindful, kind thing I can do for myself right now? 

I know that the first step to meeting the external challenges in my life is to get more intentional about what's happening for me internally, i.e., my thoughts, attitude, and moods. As much as I am able, I need to change my state of being.

I don't want to stay in the mud indefinitely. 

So instead of ruminating, resisting, or retreating, I intentionally did several things today to set my feet (and mind) on a more positive path. 

Here are photos of my kindful Wednesday:

In the morning silence, I chose to savor my favorite tea in my favorite cup. 😊

I took my beastie besties for a leisurely scent walk. No rush, no distractions, no phone except for photos. I let them sniff to their hearts' content. They were so happy! 🐕 🐶

After a whole week off, I could hardly wait to run at my favorite spot. I was surprised to feel how much my body really appreciated the break! I was also surprised that I clocked my fastest mile time in years! 🙌 My new playlist fueled me with adrenaline from Ohio Players, Supertramp, AC⚡️DC, and Alice In Chains.

I hit some stuff. (Doesn't everyone box with the Buddha?) 

Weird as it might sound, I did a sage energy cleanse on every room in my home. It was amazing. And if you read this article from Vogue on the whats, whys, and hows, I can assure you that I repeated the suggested mantra many times— swear words included, of course. 😉

Though I don't have a pic of it, I also tried to get outside myself and lift others up. I called the boujie hotel I had the good fortune to stay at in Chicago to tell the general manager how phenomenal Daniel, Adam, Brandy and Alissa made my stay. Every interaction with these kind people made my heart happy. ❤️

Everything I did might sound normal or even fun, but when things are tough, normal and/or fun things take a lot more effort. More important to me was that each event was purposefully chosen and filled with the intention of wellness. My goal was to move the dial in my mind just a little closer to "I got this. I'm going to be okay."

In conclusion, 

• This isn't a head tilt.
• It's not a communication lesson. 
• It's not an attention trap. (Please, no!)
• It's definitely not a boastful, fluffy "Look what I did! You can do it too!" post. 🤮

I am writing to say that my circumstances have been rough lately. 

And still, in the thick of it, I need to walk the walk. Even if I am taking baby steps.

I need to be kindful to myself. Who knew?

Maybe this is simply a love letter to myself. 

I have to remind myself that I have choices as to how I deal with challenges: I need to do my best to help myself show up at my best. 

I need to plod on in the right direction.

And today I actually did, 

step by step.

with intention and purposeful action. ❤️

If I keep on this path I might have the chance of being an amazing lotus flower someday. 

Head Tilt #53: My birthday wish... let’s make it happen!

Several months back I was updating my LinkedIn professional profile. I had always listed myself as teacher, a trainer, a consultant, or a coach --- and all are accurate. I've studied, developed, and honed my craft for over 20 years. 

Whatever. 🙄

I finally know that I am so much more than what I do. 

So I changed my profile. Instead of announcing what I do, I introduced others to who I am: 

I am a kindful communicator.

Yes, I made it up; it's a portmanteau, i. e., a word that combines the sound and meanings of other words to create something new. Brunch (breakfast + lunch) and dramedy (drama + comedy) are examples of portmanteaus.

Kind + mindful = kindful

For me, kindful communication captures what I've been spending my adult life teaching both myself and others. It pairs kind, the quality of being considerate with mindfulness, the ability to be aware.

Being mindful in the moment is the base of competent communication.  We don't go into auto-pilot or recite stale scripts. We remain aware, so we can then see the array of responses available in front of us.

And in the spirit of being good human beings, when we scan the communication choices that mindfulness reveals, we choose the kindest option for that specific situation.  

kind  + mindful = kindful

It all goes back to one of my favorite quotes (explored in my very first Head Tilt!):

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies your freedom and power to choose your response. In those responses lie your growth and your happiness."

And yes, much like Mean Girl's Gretchen Weiners' "fetch," I'd really like to make kindful happen! 

So with my 53rd post on my 53rd trip around the sun, here is my birthday wish: 

Let's make kindful happen, together! 

What do you think? Who's in?

And to slightly modify the fantastic words of Dalai Lama, 

Be kindful whenever possible. 

It is always possible. 

Insider tip: Kindful isn't synonymous with "fake" or "Pollyanna." When aggravated, for example, sometimes the kindest option available is biting your tongue. If that is the most considerate choice you can see in the moment, that's still kindful. 

😉

Photo Credit: Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

Head Tilt #52: Memento Amare = Remember to Love

My personal, permanent reminder 

Leaders are accustomed to using these words in the workplace:

Engagement

Humility

Transparency

 Trust

But what about love?

Does love belong in the workplace?  

(I'm talking about compassionate love, not romantic love.)

I've heard many say that the people they work with are like "extended family." Isn't that love? The US military and firefighters, alike, pride themselves on the trust and interdependence of brotherhood/sisterhood. Isn't that love?

This year, in response to the challenges of 2020, PG&E rolled out their "Lead with Love" campaign. They are committing to 2,021 acts of good and they're inviting consumers to join. (Check out their fantastic one-minute video about emotions.)

Southwest Airlines has love as their anchor, noted by their heart logo and their NYSE ticker code of LUV. 

Whole Foods leads the charge by committing to love. Love guides their food selections and how they show up in the community. 

Leadership gurus Barry Posner and James Kouzes (The Leadership Challenge) say that love is the "best kept secret" of great leadership. 

Data company Integrate.ai lists "Love People" as their number one value.

"Love as a Business Strategy" is a compelling newly-published book that I am reading about a company, Softway Solutions, that was transformed by their leadership commitment to love. (M. Anwar, F. Danna, J. Ma., C. Pitre, 2021).

Extensive research reviewed in the Harvard Business Review concludes that "a culture of love corresponded to increased levels of job satisfaction, teamwork and improved customer outcomes' (Coombe, 2016). Studies also show that people in loving work environments are more committed, satisfied, and accountable (S. Barasde and O. O'Neill, 2014).

The examples and research have a strong, steady heartbeat. 

But what does love look like at work?

Love looks like compassion.

Love looks like extending trust.

Love looks like assuming positive intent.

Love looks like respect. 

Love looks like listening fully. 

Love looks like addressing conflict effectively.

Love looks like having difficult conversations.

Love looks like appreciating differences.

Love looks like nurturing a positive culture where cooperation wins over competition every single time.

Love looks like going above and beyond for internal and external customers.

Love means seeing the entirety of your employees and co-workers.

What's that? You say you are already doing these things?

Then you are leading with love, even without announcing it. 

Whether you say the L-word or not, Memento Amare. In Latin that translates to remember to love. Today more than ever, it is not just recommended, it's required. ❤️

 

Head Tilt #51: Can your message pass these three questions?

This might be the simplest and shortest of my posts yet. That doesn't decrease its importance, however.

Have you ever been dying to say something to someone but you weren't quite sure if you should? Or have you ever said something only to wish you could retract it? 

Of course you have. We all have! 

Sufi poet and scholar, Rumi,  suggested all words pass through three gates before they leave our mouths. 

Particularly when giving feedback, get present and speak only if the answer is an emphatic YES to these questions: 

Is it true? To the best of your knowledge, do you have the facts? Or are you making assumptions based on your perceptions?

Is it necessary?  Will the other benefit from your words? What might be the impact if you spoke up? What about the impact of staying quiet? 

Is it kind? Check your intentions. Be a good human.

Let's be impeccable with our words. 

Let's be kindful. ❤️

Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay

Head Tilt #50: GROW great people

One of the most important parts of being a great leader is developing others. As one of my clients used to say, leaders need to grow great people. But how?

.

Imagine someone took a snapshot of a "perfect" developmental or problem-solving conversation. 

What would that picture look like? 

It would probably mirror the GROW coaching model. 

What it is: Developed in the 1980s by Sir John Whitmore, GROW coaching is a fundamental coaching model. It follows the logical progression of a development or problem-solving conversation. 

Who can use it: Managers, peers, parents, friends, partners, dogs

When to use it: When you want to understand another's view and help them create a powerful pathway to a goal. It's particularly helpful in one-on-ones.

Why we use it: To empower others, enable autonomy and build trusting relationships. (So much goodness!)

Key skills for using this model: Curiosity, listening, care, patience, humility (i. e., you might not always have the best solution)

Watch outs: Suspend the urge to immediately prescribe the path. Ask good questions but don't slip into the role of therapist. If this is a new way of communicating for you, try some transparency; tell your co-communicator that you're trying to practice curiosity instead of command. 

Suppose you are planning a trip. You'd probably want to know your destination, starting place, possible routes, and your plan, right? 

That ↑ is GROW coaching. 

G = GOAL This is the destination. Where does your co-communicator (let's call them the "coachee") want to go? Or, if that's predetermined, what is the goal you want them to achieve?

R= REALITY This is the starting place. Where are they right now in comparison to the goal? 

O = OPTIONS This is where you and your coachee generate options for bridging the gap. How will they get from where they are now to the destination? 

W = WILL (AKA: What's next, Way forward) Which of the options is best? 

Here are some GROW coaching questions to get you started:

Goal questions: What is your most important priority right now? Why? What would count as a win this week/month/quarter/season?

Reality questions: What's happening for you now? On a scale of 1-10, how close are you to the goal? What have you tried? What works? What doesn't?

Option questions: What ideas do you have to meet your goal? What has worked so far, and what if you continued that? What do you think your customer would suggest? What is the most feasible plan right now considering time, motivation and resources? 

Will/What's next questions: Which plan makes the most sense to you?  When will you start? On a scale of 1-10, how motivated are you? How can I help? 

There are sooooo many more questions you can ask. Presence with the conversation, coupled with positive intent, greatly outweighs following any script. Go with the flow. Sometimes you'll need to provide information or direction. That's okay! For the best results, pay attention to how much you are speaking and how much you are listening. Look for some sort of balance between the two roles. 

Message me at michellemakeswaves@gmail.com  for a list of my favorite GROW questions. 😉

Photo by Akil Mazumder from Pexels

Head Tilt #49: I could teach this in my sleep

My sleepy Bitmoji

I've been teaching others how to give presentations in the college and corporate classrooms for 25 years. That's a long time. And it's one of my favorite things to teach. I get to see participants face their fears and build their confidence as they hone their skills. Students are so empowered when they find their voice. It's exciting to be a part of that. 😊

Allegiant to the Head Tilt notion, I am tipping my head to the side today to see what tried-and-true public speaking advice comes out. This is not a comprehensive list! 

Active links to other posts about speaking are in blue. 

In no particular order, here we go:

• Speaking is about having something to say and saying it well. Your goal is to get your message to your audience as effectively as possible. This requires knowing your audience and clarifying your goal. 

• Great speakers are made, not born. It's a skill anyone can improve. Check out the learning ladder.

• The fear is real! I understand! I've seen it in others, and I've felt it myself. Reduce fear by sticking with the 3 Ps: Preparation, practice, and a (realistically) positive attitude. As counterintuitive as it might seem, we can also think about ourselves less and focus our audience more. This post has good news about the fear of speaking. This one dispels poor, awkward advice.

• The audience members are co-authors of the presentation. For real. Create the speech with them in mind. Consider the audience size, average age, and general attitude toward you and your topic. 

• Whether consciously or not, every audience is wondering why they should listen and why they should listen to you. Connect them with the topic by telling them what's in it for them. Connect them with you by building your credibility: share your expertise (e.g., title, research, or time on the project) and your intention.

• Speaking of intention, we speak primarily to inform (educate, demonstrate, show, tell)  or to persuade (motivate, convince, move to action). It's important to know which one is the specific purpose of your presentation.

• There are three parts of speech development: Content, Organization, and Delivery.

• Use interesting comparisons, examples, and statistics to build up the content of your speech. Use familiar metaphors to explain complex information. 

• Compare the organization of your presentation to a workout. Don't skip a part! 

1.     Warm-up (introduction)
2.     Workout (body of the speech)
3.     Cool down (conclusion/call to action)

• Transitions bridge one idea to the next. They are game-changers for technical presentations. Before moving to a new main point, summarize what you just said and preview what's to come. "Now that you know a little more about the project design, I am going to walk you through the implementation phases." 

• Your body, face, and voice are your secret weapons during a speech. Be aware of two types of delivery: Physical and vocal. Physical delivery has to do with your posture, eye contact, gestures, and facial expressions. Vocal delivery is all about your speaking pitch, rate, and volume, and each should be varied for the biggest impact. 

• Memorize your presentation's first and last lines so you know exactly how to start and conclude. Memorize the structure of your presentation, but don't try to memorize every word! Extemporaneous speaking is about knowing your speech structure and speaking conversationally while being able to pivot with content as needed.

• You are the main event, not your visual aids.

• Fewer is best when it comes to slides. Scrap information- (and bullet point-) overload. Make white space your friend. Use images over words whenever possible. (Slides are not giant note cards!) 

• If you mess up, keep going! Audiences love authentic speakers. Think Hugh Jackman.

• You're still "on" during the Q&A-- make sure you have prepared for it and remain polished. Remember what happened to me? Use PREP to answer questions with ease.

• Get better. Seek feedback after the presentation. What did you do well? What could you do better?

I have so much more I want to tell you! In the spirit of head-tilt brevity, I'll end with this final thought, directed specifically at those who fear public speaking:

YOU CAN DO THIS!