Head Tilt #51: Can your message pass these three questions?

This might be the simplest and shortest of my posts yet. That doesn't decrease its importance, however.

Have you ever been dying to say something to someone but you weren't quite sure if you should? Or have you ever said something only to wish you could retract it? 

Of course you have. We all have! 

Sufi poet and scholar, Rumi,  suggested all words pass through three gates before they leave our mouths. 

Particularly when giving feedback, get present and speak only if the answer is an emphatic YES to these questions: 

Is it true? To the best of your knowledge, do you have the facts? Or are you making assumptions based on your perceptions?

Is it necessary?  Will the other benefit from your words? What might be the impact if you spoke up? What about the impact of staying quiet? 

Is it kind? Check your intentions. Be a good human.

Let's be impeccable with our words. 

Let's be kindful. ❤️

Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay

Head Tilt #3: I Yi Yi! Intention and Impact

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."  English proverb

"A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives." Jackie Robinson

Imagine this:

You're driving down the freeway. Your favorite song is playing. Traffic is light, and you are cruising. It's a good day. Then, a car in the other lane suddenly cuts in front of you, causing you to clip their taillight. 

You're okay--there's minor damage to each car and none to you, but you're rattled. 

You get out to talk to the driver. 

"But I had my turn signal on!" they declare. 

Does it matter? 

No, not to you, it doesn't. 

They turned their signal on too late, they were going too fast, and you crashed! 

Good intention doesn't absolve us from poor impacts. 

In conversation, stating your intention is the turn signal of human communication. It's that mindful moment where you pause, figure out your conversational goal and then tell others, so they know where you're headed. 

And, your intention doesn't matter if you haven't planned for the impact it might have on a specific audience. 

As I introduced this concept in a trust class I taught recently, a high-level director who had described himself as a leader who encourages autonomy spoke up and made it real. He said that no matter what his intention, 

    "Depending on who I talk to, a question from me, the director, if you're a maintenance worker, for example, can be very intimidating. I have to watch out for that."

WHAT HE SAID! ↑↑↑↑↑

This director's intention could be full of goodwill. He told us he's not suspicious at all, only interested and supportive. But the impact of that intention could ultimately backfire (e.g., the employee could feel defensive and anxious instead of supported) if the director doesn't adjust his communication with his recipient. 

Intention and Impact.

I Yi Yi! I could go on and on about this topic, but in the spirit of quick reads:

It's not just about what you want or intend; it's also about how your message will be interpreted. Good communicators consider both. 

To build trust, set a good intention and thoughtfully consider the impact your communication will have. 

And use your turn signals, please. ;)

mw

 Photo by Markus Spiske from Pexels