Head Tilt #63: Give trust to build trust

Beautiful, gentle Bowie ❤️

Bowie was on doggie death row. 

He had been abandoned at a shelter and was five hours from being executed euthanized. 

Then the coordinator of the fabulous foster organization I volunteer for rushed in, rescued him, and asked me if I could keep him until I found his forever home. 

How could I refuse that face? 

When I first met Bowie (who was nameless when he arrived), I was surprised to notice that he was as intimidated by me as I was by him. 

In appearance, he was a boxy brute. Inside though, he was a big dog playing small. He was broken, frightened, and he trusted no one. 

I didn't know his back story, but I knew I had to write a better future for Bowie. 

For that to happen, I needed to earn his trust.

To get Bowie to trust me, I had to extend trust to him. 

Instead of expecting any reciprocation of like, love or appreciation, I had to go first. 

It took vision, patience, kindness, treats (he loved cheese!), and commitment. 

About six days into fostering him, he wagged his tail. 

He wagged his tail! 

I still smile at the memory!

In the years that I taught Stephen M. R. Covey's Speed of Trust programs to leaders, I always included Bowie's picture in the slide deck and told his story. 

(I know we aren't dogs with broken spirits, but man-oh-man we can learn so much from dogs if we pay attention!)

Covey's research asserts that when it comes to building trust-- the one thing that changes everything--  leaders need to extend trust instead of simply expecting to be trusted.  

Leaders need to see potential. 

Leaders need to shelve their egos. 

Leaders need to go first.

"Extending trust is the ultimate act of leadership, the defining skill that transforms a manager into a leader."
 Stephen M. R. Covey

Extending trust isn't a blind trust, but rather what Covey calls a "smart trust." Smart trust minimizes risk while maximizing reward. It requires judgment, boundaries, and accountability. It can be scary. It can take time. And it can also change the entire dynamic of a relationship or team.

To extend trust:

• We model the way by being trustworthy. We talk straight, declare our intention, and do what we say we will do. Instead of simply spewing truths and calling it trust-building, we are mindful of the impact of our words and we choose the best ones for any situation. We adapt. 
• We gently hold others accountable and help them grow.
• We assume positive intent instead of defaulting to suspicion. 
• We prioritize trust. We talk about it, notice it, nurture it, build it, maintain it, and restore it when it wanes. 

It's just that simple. 

HA! 

Building, maintaining, and repairing trust is complex. We are complex! We have agendas, priorities, histories, and biases. I highly recommend that you read Speed of Trust for a much deeper, researched dive. Covey explains it all so well and lays out a step-by-step for leaders, teams, and companies to follow. 

But for now, think about this: 

Are you extending trust or sowing suspicion? 

To whom can you extend smart trust today? 

Are you willing to go first? 

As for Bowie, he's living the dream on a goat sanctuary with a wonderful family. His forever family sends me holiday pictures every year. ❤️

Head Tilt #21: Who let the dogs out?

Remember that song?

"Who let the dogs out?"

It assaulted my ears for years (sorry, Baha Men).

And like a call and response at a Sunday service, I always chimed in with, "WHO, WHO, WHO, WHO!"

You didn't?!

My wonderdogs, Deja Vu and Indie, hoping I let them out.

Though I’m not beyond using a pic of my dogs to get your attention, today’s message is all about accountability, not dogs. 

Who really did let those darn dogs out?  Was anyone ever held accountable? Did the dogs come back? Are they okay?

Accountability-- the ability to accept responsibility for one's actions-- is a HUGE trust builder in the workplace. 

And just like that I awkwardly turned an early aughts ear worm and a picture of my dogs into a blog post. 😆

Leaders build psychological safety by nurturing an environment in which their team is not only expected to make mistakes and but also to admit them and learn from them.

Team members build credibility and trust with their colleagues when they are able to speak up when things are off course. 

My favorite company to work with (you know who you are!) embraces accountability in its three corporate values: passion, humility and trustworthiness. These are more than power words on their website. They really aim to weave the values in everything they do, internally and externally.

With passion, employees are encouraged to accomplish great things. They are told to take ownership in all of their work. 

        This gives them space to take credit for their wins and accept their losses.

With regard to humility, they are to respect and learn not only from their colleagues, but also from their competitors. 

        This gives them room to grow from all experiences- good and bad.

As for trustworthiness, they proclaim that their dependence on one another becomes their greatest strength. 

    This gives them the drive to excel and be honest, when they hit the target, and when they don't. 

If someone at this company "lets the dogs out," they can speak up, get help getting the dogs back inside, and learn from the error to ensure it doesn’t happen again. 

What are you doing to encourage accountability? How are you allowing a mistake-making place in which peers can admit mistakes and course-correct?  How do you hold yourself accountable for results? 

Note: All dogs in this post are accounted for. 🐕 🐶

Head Tilt #10: It ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it

"Trust is like the air we breathe. When it's present, no one really notices.  

When it's absent, everyone notices."   

Warren Buffett 

Last week I was the tour guide (my preferred title- hah!) for a virtual leadership training on trust. 

I've been certified to teach Stephen M.R. Covey's Speed of Trust, so I had a lot to say. 

But as everyone is experiencing Zoom Fatigue, I wanted to keep it sharp, short, and audience-centered. 

(Who needs to listen to me blah-blah-blah for three hours? NO ONE! EVER!)

First, we built a case for trust in today's workplace. 

A few years ago, research posted in the Harvard Business Review concluded that virtual teammates are 2.5 times more likely to perceive MISTRUST, INCOMPETENCE, and BROKEN COMMITMENTS with remote teammates (vs. in-office).* 

Worse yet: It takes them 5 to 10 times longer to address their concerns!

Can you imagine how these numbers have escalated since the pandemic?

Building trust in the workplace is more important now than ever.

Next, we talked about being both trusting and trustworthy, two sides of the same leader's coin.

And then we applied Covey's framework.

Specifically, trust is a combination of two things:

WHAT YOU DO

    People want to know their leaders are competent (You are capable and you get results) and

WHO YOU ARE

    People want to know their leaders have a strong character (You have integrity and positive intent).

One without the other just doesn't fit the bill. To be our best, we need both. 

Imagine a leader who knows everything there is to know about blockchain, for example, but is self-serving and exclusive. 

Or how about a leader who is kind and humble but doesn't have a shred of professional expertise?

Neither has the sum of what it takes to be an excellent leader, let alone a teammate. 

There is a lot more to say (read Covey's The Speed of Trust!) but for now, here are some reflection questions:

How's your competence?  Do you know your job/craft well? Are you a trusted expert? Do you follow procedures and policies? Do you strive to get better?

How's your character?  Do you declare your (positive) intention in conversation? Do you do what you say you will do? Do you exhibit your company's (and your own) values? 

Building, maintaining, and restoring trust is a process that merits our full attention.

Let's commit to showing up with the utmost competence and stellar character!

mw

Oh, and if that song in this post's title is going through your mind now, you're welcome! Enjoy the 1982 cover video from Fun Boy Three and Bananarama. :)

Photo by Alexandr Podvalny from Pexels

*Joseph Grenny. How to Raise Sensitive Issues During a Remote Meeting. https://hbr.org/2017/03/how-to-raise-sensitive-issues-during-a-virtual-meeting

Head Tilt #3: I Yi Yi! Intention and Impact

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."  English proverb

"A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives." Jackie Robinson

Imagine this:

You're driving down the freeway. Your favorite song is playing. Traffic is light, and you are cruising. It's a good day. Then, a car in the other lane suddenly cuts in front of you, causing you to clip their taillight. 

You're okay--there's minor damage to each car and none to you, but you're rattled. 

You get out to talk to the driver. 

"But I had my turn signal on!" they declare. 

Does it matter? 

No, not to you, it doesn't. 

They turned their signal on too late, they were going too fast, and you crashed! 

Good intention doesn't absolve us from poor impacts. 

In conversation, stating your intention is the turn signal of human communication. It's that mindful moment where you pause, figure out your conversational goal and then tell others, so they know where you're headed. 

And, your intention doesn't matter if you haven't planned for the impact it might have on a specific audience. 

As I introduced this concept in a trust class I taught recently, a high-level director who had described himself as a leader who encourages autonomy spoke up and made it real. He said that no matter what his intention, 

    "Depending on who I talk to, a question from me, the director, if you're a maintenance worker, for example, can be very intimidating. I have to watch out for that."

WHAT HE SAID! ↑↑↑↑↑

This director's intention could be full of goodwill. He told us he's not suspicious at all, only interested and supportive. But the impact of that intention could ultimately backfire (e.g., the employee could feel defensive and anxious instead of supported) if the director doesn't adjust his communication with his recipient. 

Intention and Impact.

I Yi Yi! I could go on and on about this topic, but in the spirit of quick reads:

It's not just about what you want or intend; it's also about how your message will be interpreted. Good communicators consider both. 

To build trust, set a good intention and thoughtfully consider the impact your communication will have. 

And use your turn signals, please. ;)

mw

 Photo by Markus Spiske from Pexels

Head Tilt #2: When we trust our leaders, we can trust their processes

 The San Francisco Marathon just postponed its July event. (Insert sad face)

As a runner and pre-registered participant, I thought: What the heck? It's only the beginning of March! Why would they do this? Surely we will be vaccinated by then...I was really looking forward to it...

And then I pushed my disappointment/ego aside. 

This wasn't about me or my running goal or my burning desire for a piece of normality. 

I had to trust the SF Marathon organizers-- I mean, they've been at this for 44 years, right? Right. And they are likely monitoring the pandemic and its toll on races much closer than I am, correct? Correct.

And if I trusted them, I had to trust their process. 

I bet those in charge of a 27,000+ people event this year want to take extra precautions. I bet that it might have been postponed anyway so it's best to know now. I bet that the new date in September is more realistic. 

(And if I let my ego back in, I bet I can run even faster by September. Hah!)

In my communication trainings I have been asking participants to "trust the process" for years! I promise them that every single thing we do has a purpose.

Me: Put on this blindfold. (Trust the process)

Me: Work through this case study. (Trust the process)

Me: Let's role-play! (Trust the process)

They usually oblige. 

Why? 

Because when we trust our leaders, we can trust the process. 

Of course, new trainees don't necessarily trust me as their communication trainer (or, as I prefer to be called: "tour guide") right away. I need to build that with expertise, psychological safety, and genuine care. But once we've established a degree of trust, they willingly play along, and often with great results!

How are you building trust as a leader, so your team has confidence in the process? 

PS: As for the September race date, bet on me-- I've got this. ;)

mw

 Not my feet: Photo by RUN 4 FFWPU from Pexels