Head Tilt #90: Baby Steps

My daughter, Macy, taking
baby steps on the beach in 2002 💕    

Lately, I've been using the term "baby steps" with my clients and myself. 

As I coach leaders to adopt new practices, you might catch me saying something like, "Take baby steps... it doesn't have to happen all at once. Small sculpts matter."

Or, as I try to take strides toward my goals, no matter how challenging, I remind myself that "baby steps count." 

(Case in point: On a tough day, I recently labeled getting out of bed, changing my sheets, and feeding the dogs as baby steps. I mean, at least I didn't hide under the covers like I wanted to! Look at me go! 😆)

The phrase baby steps has become synonymous with forward micro-movements. We use it gracefully to remind ourselves and others that it's not just the long leaps that propel us toward results. The small acts are significant, too.

Good stuff. ☀️

But then I started thinking about actual baby steps. 

You see, as a mother of two and someone who's been around plenty of babies, I can attest that they rarely take tiny steps, and surely not ever just one--- even when learning.

Instead, babies take clumsy, sloppy steps -- some big, some small. Finding their balance and stride, they take a step forward... or to the left... or to the right... and sometimes even backward! 

Oh, and they fall on their tushes a lot! 

But they get up and try again. And again. And again, until those baby steps take them to where they want to go. Onward to walking, skipping, jumping, and running. 

And if they're more coordinated than I am, cartwheels may be on the horizon. 🎉

All because they didn't give up when things felt awkward or tough. 

It's not the step size; the commitment makes the difference.

Another interesting thing I noticed when I searched for an image of baby steps is that there's always someone spotting them. Someone is there to help them up, catch them if they fall, or cheer them on. 

I was already okay with the metaphorical meaning of baby steps, but now I feel a bit of pride in taking more of them and encouraging others to do the same. Progress is different for everyone. My progress is often messy. Sometimes, I get bruises from falling down. But I get up. I know my goal. I take baby steps forward-- with or without grace-- I keep going, all with the support of some amazing friends and colleagues.

No matter how small, big, or messy, take pride in your baby steps. Keep going! If you fall-- get back right back up. You got this! 👣 

The comment feature isn't working, but I'd still love to have a conversation! Email me at 53thingsIthinkIknow@gmail.com

Head Tilt #89: Now Hiring: Security Guards

Would you hire yourself as the security guard for your own well-being?

In a world of career changes and upskilling, I encourage us all to add the role of Security Guard to our personal résumés.

A quick search of top requirements for great security guards revealed commonalities such as

• Observation skills  
• Communication skills
• Fitness
• Team Player

What if we pledge to become our own security guards, fiercely committed to protecting our energy and mental wellness?

To hone observation skills, we prioritize vigilance. We stay alert, not paranoid, and scan for risks to our well-being, external or self-imposed. We thoughtfully discern the severity of any irregularities and respond accordingly. Is there a meeting coming up where one participant consistently disregards our input? We commit to putting distance between that stimulus and our response, thus decreasing the impact of the trigger. How about that one friend who always talks but never listens? Maybe we pass on the next suggestion to get together. Did we stay up too late watching Black Mirror? We acknowledge the impact that choice has on our mood and plan a restorative break.

To embolden our communication skills, we become masters of awareness and assertiveness. While respecting ourselves and others, we speak up to set boundaries and speak up again if they’re ignored. We commit to practicing empathy. We know when and how to de-escalate situations that throw us off balance. We pair mindfulness with kindness and choose the best communication we are capable of, especially in tricky situations. We are kindful.

To escalate our physical fitness levels, we honor our need for sleep, nutrition, and movement. We create evening rituals that get us to bed on time and limit screen time. We feed our bodies well (pass the blueberries, kefir, and leafy greens, please!) and say no thank you more often to sugar and alcohol. We say yes to movement that makes us smile, whether that be lifting, running, skipping, or twirling. We catapult the quality of our mental fitness by nourishing our minds with meditation and positive inputs like podcasts and music. We guard against negative inputs like mindless scrolling and needless social media comparisons. Our inner bouncer never lets our inner critic seize the microphone. We passionately protect our fabulous selves.

Finally, though security guards appear to work alone, they are always part of a bigger team. We enhance our team player skills by surrounding ourselves with good people who also protect their well-being. We nurture these relationships, playing the roles of teacher and student as needed—their wellness matters to us. We listen to them when they notice we are off track, and we offer to sub when they can’t fill their own shift.  We thrive together in a community of compassionate, kind people.

Would you hire yourself as a security guard for your own well-being?

I might still be an apprentice, but I am on my way to getting the job.

Join me? ☀️

Head Tilt #88: Don't Worry, Be Imaginative

Signs, signs, everywhere signs. This gem is at a little store less than a mile from my home. I drive by it every day. It's not wrong: Worry certainly is a misuse of imagination!

To re-route worry, we can imagine a better outcome and do the next right thing. Here are some examples of moving from wasteful worry to positive possibilities. 

🍋 Are you worried about that big presentation to the executive team that's coming up?

💡 Imagine the results of a job so well done that they write songs about you! Consult a colleague, practice your speech, or review your notes. Do something to take a step toward making that positive possibility a reality.

🍋 Are you worried about your appearance as we slide into shorts and swimsuit season?

💡 Imagine how good you'll feel when you make peace with yourself, stop caring what others think, or go shopping and find something that you feel sensational in! Do something to take a step toward making that positive possibility a reality.

🍋 Are you worried about your future now that your youngest has graduated and is off to college? (Oh, wait, is that just me?)

💡 Imagine a future so bright you have to wear a cute sunhat. Take a class, nurture your network, feed your friendships, and look inward as much as outward. Dream a bigger dream and do something to take a step toward making that positive possibility a reality.

What can you do right now to re-route the energy you're using to worry toward a brighter vision of what's possible?

Whatever it is, you know I am here, wearing a cute sunhat and cheering you on! 

The Slide: My thoughts on motherhood, graduation, and empty nests

Note to anyone who stumbles upon this: Often, I process my feelings best through writing. This is one of those times. Not a head-tilt, not a lesson, just what's going on for me right now. I think/hope some moms and/or new empty-nesters might relate. 

I’ve climbed the ladder of the world’s tallest slide!

18 years of ascension, with my son by my side.

 

Up, up, up!

 

18 years of me:

 

• Loving

• Teaching

• Guiding

• Supporting

• Protecting

• Championing and

• Mom-ing

 

my son. 💕

 

At his high school graduation this past Friday, together we reached the top of the ladder. It was a wonderful, worthy climb!

 

And the next few months, the last I have with him as a resident in my home, SWOOSH! Together down the slide, we’ll go.

 

When we reach the bottom,

he

will

FLY.

 

And I will savor every moment with him until then.

 

I will cherish:

 

• Hearing his ragtime piano playing throughout the house

• Watching the final seasons of Mad Men with him in the evenings

• Listening to his brilliant brain as he educates me about all the things that fascinate him

• Traveling to the City and seeing the museums through his eyes

• Saying good night to each other in our own silly way as we pass by each other’s rooms

• Making his favorite blueberry pancakes for breakfast

• Even doing his laundry and cleaning up after him

 

All of it.

 

Down, down we’ll go until the day that he takes flight into the next fabulous phase of his life, the moment we’ve been preparing for all this time—when he heads off in the world toward his next adventure, independent of me.

 

Pride doesn’t capture the magnitude of the feelings I have. I can hardly wait to see what’s next for him. He will not only fly, but he will SOAR!

 

In an unanticipated turn of events, I will fly too.

 

Upon his departure, I will be living on my own for the first time in my life.

I will spread my wings and go

 

up, up, up...I’ll fly as high as I can!

 

All the stronger, better, and more inspired

 

Because I am his mom. ❤️

Head Tilt #87: The Next Best Things

 

There's something good coming on the horizon.

In a recent episode of Glennon Doyle's podcast, We Can Do Hard Things, Glennon addressed a question a 19-year-old college freshman asked. Before answering his question, though, she acknowledged his stage of life and recounted what her mom told her son before he left for college. She said,

 

“Everyone’s going to tell you that this is the best year of your life and to enjoy it. And you just do not listen to that. That is NOT TRUE.”

With love and a dose of reality, Glennon continued to say that freshman year is hard... and confusing... and it’s almost impossible to find your grip...

 And with a laugh, she added that so is every other year of life!

 

When we set ourselves up with the pressure of “this is going to be the best,” we pave the path for great disappointment if it isn’t.

 

I played the podcast for my son, and he said that he’d heard that high school was supposed to be the best time of his life.

 

 If he believed that, can you imagine the trepidation he might feel about graduation this week? The best part of his life is soon to be behind him... and he’s only 18!

 

As my youngest reaches this huge milestone, I reach another—the impending “empty nest” that awaits me this fall. I accept that some of the best parts of my life are behind me, but I am confident new “bests” await. With enough agency and imagination, I will create them. I don’t even know what they might be, but the anticipation of what’s possible helps me move forward.

Einstein said,

"Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions."

Today I am excited about my life's coming attractions and optimistically imagining my next best things.

I trust you are looking forward to yours, too. 🌞

PSA for People Who Love Dogs

See this lovely stick? It's a nice one, right?

Smooth sides, just the right size for throwing. Great for playing fetch with your favorite canine.

I'll sell it to you for the same price I got it...

$𝟰𝟵𝟭.𝟳𝟱

That was the vet bill after this nefarious Stick-in-Disguise-as-a-Fun-Dog-Toy tried to impale my dog Indie's throat when she caught it at the park.

The Death Dart ricocheted off the ground and went right into Indie's big yap, aiming to exit through the back of her neck.

Luckily, the Stickinator didn't succeed.

Though it didn't complete its malicious mission, yesterday's emergency drop-off and subsequent all-day stay at our veterinarian's office proved that the Wooden Weapon left a small tear in Indie's throat. She'll heal on her own, thank goodness, and our vet said we're lucky the Sinister Stick didn't slice Indie's trachea or vocal cords-- both of which she's seen in her practice several times. 😳

I kicked myself because I'd heard not to throw sticks for dogs, but whatever. I ignorantly ignored the warnings. Never again. As if I needed more proof, a quick Google search of "Is it okay to throw a stick for my dog" yielded 58 million results, the first few pages filled with emphatic NOs (all within .64 seconds).

I kicked myself again because I'd also been meaning to buy pet insurance. Whatever. Now my desk is covered with pamphlets from different providers.

Indie is feeling a bit better today. Poor baby, I can tell she's still in pain, and her energy is not near her manic Belgian Malinois standard. Still, she seems somewhat comforted by the pain med, soft food, and extra attention. ❤️

Now that I've learned my lesson, I'm hoping other dog owners can learn from my mistake.

Stay safe out there. Buy rubber or plastic stick toys or soft frisbees if you have a dog who loves to fetch. Consider pet insurance, too.

And don't be fooled by seemingly innocent sticks. I know a big beach bonfire this one will be joining tonight. 🔥🔥

The Birthday Post: Be the Valedictorian of Your Life

As a teaching associate (TA) in graduate school long ago, I was taught to view the students in my classroom as active participants in the learning process, not passive recipients of the lessons from the lectern. 

It’s a lens I’ve used to guide my course design for the past 25 years: I commit to my trainees’ growth, giving them ample opportunities to take things beyond the training room.

In the school of my life, where I am not the teacher, but the student, I use the same lens. I strive to be an active participant in my learning process, not a passive recipient of life’s syllabus. Lately, I am sitting front-row, notebook open, pencil sharpened, alert, and ready to learn. I don't always love the curriculum, but I try to attend class daily. 

Life’s lessons are taught by interactions with colleagues, customers, friends, and family. Instructional methods include conflict, challenge, wins, and losses. Some of the most powerful lessons come through pain.

If I am not being a good student, it’s all for nothing. My growth plateaus and I am obligated to re-enroll until I ace the course. 

Uh-uh. Not me. I know better. 

Here are my top tips for being at the top of the class in the school of life: 

1. Stay present. Remember the smartest kids in grade school? They always sat in the front of the class, with perfect posture, eyes fixed on the teacher, hands folded on their desks. They kind of bugged me, but they knew how to learn! Be like them. Remove the auto-pilot feature on your internal dashboard and commit to increasing your awareness and, in turn, your options. Build a chasm between stimulus and response. Breathe. Be. Learn. 

2. Stay curious. Ask good questions. Start sentences with what and how. Instead of jumping to conclusions, dance toward discovery. Read up. Take the personality quizzes. Enroll in all the classes. Know that you know a lot, but that knowledge is an infinite resource to compound.

3. Reflect.  Like a good student reviews their notes, review your day. Pair reflection with the curiosity mentioned above. What did you do well? Keep doing that! What requires a do-over? Do that! Remember that uncomfortable interaction with your manager in the one-on-one meeting? Revisit that. What happened? What did you learn? What could you have done differently? What will you do differently going forward? When paired with a plan, hindsight can be a great guru.

4. Regard those who annoy, harm, or betray you as your special guest lecturers. That leader or friend who is extra tough on you... What are they teaching you? Perhaps it’s a lesson on what NOT to do. The person who stole your thunder on the big project? They are giving you an opportunity to perfect your assertiveness skills and stand up for your worth. That one who broke your heart? They are teaching you how to heal, how to be stronger, and how to be whole on your own. Let others' wrongs illuminate your rights. 

Choose to be the valedictorian of your life. You got this. 🎓🎉

What is life teaching you today?

About that photo of me... I stole-borrowed my son's graduation garb for the pic…He doesn't know. 🤫