Keeping it real when things fall apart

I returned last night from a week-long stay in Chicago. 

Oh my--what a fabulous, fantastic city! I had no idea!

I went there to get away. To clear my mind. To see things from a different perspective. To have some fun. 

And I did. 

For the most part. 

Except when I didn't.

I should have learned from Uncle Remus when he said,

"You can't run away from trouble. There ain't no place that far."

(There's no need to say more about that except that things have been more challenging in the past couple of months than when I was traversing leukemia-territory years ago.) 

No mud, no lotus, right? Right.

I had the rare and appreciated opportunity to return from my trip to both an empty house and an open schedule-- just for the next two days. 

I could exhale. Time to turn the kindful lens on myself: what is the most mindful, kind thing I can do for myself right now? 

I know that the first step to meeting the external challenges in my life is to get more intentional about what's happening for me internally, i.e., my thoughts, attitude, and moods. As much as I am able, I need to change my state of being.

I don't want to stay in the mud indefinitely. 

So instead of ruminating, resisting, or retreating, I intentionally did several things today to set my feet (and mind) on a more positive path. 

Here are photos of my kindful Wednesday:

In the morning silence, I chose to savor my favorite tea in my favorite cup. 😊

I took my beastie besties for a leisurely scent walk. No rush, no distractions, no phone except for photos. I let them sniff to their hearts' content. They were so happy! 🐕 🐶

After a whole week off, I could hardly wait to run at my favorite spot. I was surprised to feel how much my body really appreciated the break! I was also surprised that I clocked my fastest mile time in years! 🙌 My new playlist fueled me with adrenaline from Ohio Players, Supertramp, AC⚡️DC, and Alice In Chains.

I hit some stuff. (Doesn't everyone box with the Buddha?) 

Weird as it might sound, I did a sage energy cleanse on every room in my home. It was amazing. And if you read this article from Vogue on the whats, whys, and hows, I can assure you that I repeated the suggested mantra many times— swear words included, of course. 😉

Though I don't have a pic of it, I also tried to get outside myself and lift others up. I called the boujie hotel I had the good fortune to stay at in Chicago to tell the general manager how phenomenal Daniel, Adam, Brandy and Alissa made my stay. Every interaction with these kind people made my heart happy. ❤️

Everything I did might sound normal or even fun, but when things are tough, normal and/or fun things take a lot more effort. More important to me was that each event was purposefully chosen and filled with the intention of wellness. My goal was to move the dial in my mind just a little closer to "I got this. I'm going to be okay."

In conclusion, 

• This isn't a head tilt.
• It's not a communication lesson. 
• It's not an attention trap. (Please, no!)
• It's definitely not a boastful, fluffy "Look what I did! You can do it too!" post. 🤮

I am writing to say that my circumstances have been rough lately. 

And still, in the thick of it, I need to walk the walk. Even if I am taking baby steps.

I need to be kindful to myself. Who knew?

Maybe this is simply a love letter to myself. 

I have to remind myself that I have choices as to how I deal with challenges: I need to do my best to help myself show up at my best. 

I need to plod on in the right direction.

And today I actually did, 

step by step.

with intention and purposeful action. ❤️

If I keep on this path I might have the chance of being an amazing lotus flower someday.