Keeping it real when things fall apart

I returned last night from a week-long stay in Chicago. 

Oh my--what a fabulous, fantastic city! I had no idea!

I went there to get away. To clear my mind. To see things from a different perspective. To have some fun. 

And I did. 

For the most part. 

Except when I didn't.

I should have learned from Uncle Remus when he said,

"You can't run away from trouble. There ain't no place that far."

(There's no need to say more about that except that things have been more challenging in the past couple of months than when I was traversing leukemia-territory years ago.) 

No mud, no lotus, right? Right.

I had the rare and appreciated opportunity to return from my trip to both an empty house and an open schedule-- just for the next two days. 

I could exhale. Time to turn the kindful lens on myself: what is the most mindful, kind thing I can do for myself right now? 

I know that the first step to meeting the external challenges in my life is to get more intentional about what's happening for me internally, i.e., my thoughts, attitude, and moods. As much as I am able, I need to change my state of being.

I don't want to stay in the mud indefinitely. 

So instead of ruminating, resisting, or retreating, I intentionally did several things today to set my feet (and mind) on a more positive path. 

Here are photos of my kindful Wednesday:

In the morning silence, I chose to savor my favorite tea in my favorite cup. 😊

I took my beastie besties for a leisurely scent walk. No rush, no distractions, no phone except for photos. I let them sniff to their hearts' content. They were so happy! 🐕 🐶

After a whole week off, I could hardly wait to run at my favorite spot. I was surprised to feel how much my body really appreciated the break! I was also surprised that I clocked my fastest mile time in years! 🙌 My new playlist fueled me with adrenaline from Ohio Players, Supertramp, AC⚡️DC, and Alice In Chains.

I hit some stuff. (Doesn't everyone box with the Buddha?) 

Weird as it might sound, I did a sage energy cleanse on every room in my home. It was amazing. And if you read this article from Vogue on the whats, whys, and hows, I can assure you that I repeated the suggested mantra many times— swear words included, of course. 😉

Though I don't have a pic of it, I also tried to get outside myself and lift others up. I called the boujie hotel I had the good fortune to stay at in Chicago to tell the general manager how phenomenal Daniel, Adam, Brandy and Alissa made my stay. Every interaction with these kind people made my heart happy. ❤️

Everything I did might sound normal or even fun, but when things are tough, normal and/or fun things take a lot more effort. More important to me was that each event was purposefully chosen and filled with the intention of wellness. My goal was to move the dial in my mind just a little closer to "I got this. I'm going to be okay."

In conclusion, 

• This isn't a head tilt.
• It's not a communication lesson. 
• It's not an attention trap. (Please, no!)
• It's definitely not a boastful, fluffy "Look what I did! You can do it too!" post. 🤮

I am writing to say that my circumstances have been rough lately. 

And still, in the thick of it, I need to walk the walk. Even if I am taking baby steps.

I need to be kindful to myself. Who knew?

Maybe this is simply a love letter to myself. 

I have to remind myself that I have choices as to how I deal with challenges: I need to do my best to help myself show up at my best. 

I need to plod on in the right direction.

And today I actually did, 

step by step.

with intention and purposeful action. ❤️

If I keep on this path I might have the chance of being an amazing lotus flower someday. 

Head Tilt #53: My birthday wish... let’s make it happen!

Several months back I was updating my LinkedIn professional profile. I had always listed myself as teacher, a trainer, a consultant, or a coach --- and all are accurate. I've studied, developed, and honed my craft for over 20 years. 

Whatever. 🙄

I finally know that I am so much more than what I do. 

So I changed my profile. Instead of announcing what I do, I introduced others to who I am: 

I am a kindful communicator.

Yes, I made it up; it's a portmanteau, i. e., a word that combines the sound and meanings of other words to create something new. Brunch (breakfast + lunch) and dramedy (drama + comedy) are examples of portmanteaus.

Kind + mindful = kindful

For me, kindful communication captures what I've been spending my adult life teaching both myself and others. It pairs kind, the quality of being considerate with mindfulness, the ability to be aware.

Being mindful in the moment is the base of competent communication.  We don't go into auto-pilot or recite stale scripts. We remain aware, so we can then see the array of responses available in front of us.

And in the spirit of being good human beings, when we scan the communication choices that mindfulness reveals, we choose the kindest option for that specific situation.  

kind  + mindful = kindful

It all goes back to one of my favorite quotes (explored in my very first Head Tilt!):

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies your freedom and power to choose your response. In those responses lie your growth and your happiness."

And yes, much like Mean Girl's Gretchen Weiners' "fetch," I'd really like to make kindful happen! 

So with my 53rd post on my 53rd trip around the sun, here is my birthday wish: 

Let's make kindful happen, together! 

What do you think? Who's in?

And to slightly modify the fantastic words of Dalai Lama, 

Be kindful whenever possible. 

It is always possible. 

Insider tip: Kindful isn't synonymous with "fake" or "Pollyanna." When aggravated, for example, sometimes the kindest option available is biting your tongue. If that is the most considerate choice you can see in the moment, that's still kindful. 

😉

Photo Credit: Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

Head Tilt #52: Memento Amare = Remember to Love

My personal, permanent reminder 

Leaders are accustomed to using these words in the workplace:

Engagement

Humility

Transparency

 Trust

But what about love?

Does love belong in the workplace?  

(I'm talking about compassionate love, not romantic love.)

I've heard many say that the people they work with are like "extended family." Isn't that love? The US military and firefighters, alike, pride themselves on the trust and interdependence of brotherhood/sisterhood. Isn't that love?

This year, in response to the challenges of 2020, PG&E rolled out their "Lead with Love" campaign. They are committing to 2,021 acts of good and they're inviting consumers to join. (Check out their fantastic one-minute video about emotions.)

Southwest Airlines has love as their anchor, noted by their heart logo and their NYSE ticker code of LUV. 

Whole Foods leads the charge by committing to love. Love guides their food selections and how they show up in the community. 

Leadership gurus Barry Posner and James Kouzes (The Leadership Challenge) say that love is the "best kept secret" of great leadership. 

Data company Integrate.ai lists "Love People" as their number one value.

"Love as a Business Strategy" is a compelling newly-published book that I am reading about a company, Softway Solutions, that was transformed by their leadership commitment to love. (M. Anwar, F. Danna, J. Ma., C. Pitre, 2021).

Extensive research reviewed in the Harvard Business Review concludes that "a culture of love corresponded to increased levels of job satisfaction, teamwork and improved customer outcomes' (Coombe, 2016). Studies also show that people in loving work environments are more committed, satisfied, and accountable (S. Barasde and O. O'Neill, 2014).

The examples and research have a strong, steady heartbeat. 

But what does love look like at work?

Love looks like compassion.

Love looks like extending trust.

Love looks like assuming positive intent.

Love looks like respect. 

Love looks like listening fully. 

Love looks like addressing conflict effectively.

Love looks like having difficult conversations.

Love looks like appreciating differences.

Love looks like nurturing a positive culture where cooperation wins over competition every single time.

Love looks like going above and beyond for internal and external customers.

Love means seeing the entirety of your employees and co-workers.

What's that? You say you are already doing these things?

Then you are leading with love, even without announcing it. 

Whether you say the L-word or not, Memento Amare. In Latin that translates to remember to love. Today more than ever, it is not just recommended, it's required. ❤️

 

Head Tilt #51: Can your message pass these three questions?

This might be the simplest and shortest of my posts yet. That doesn't decrease its importance, however.

Have you ever been dying to say something to someone but you weren't quite sure if you should? Or have you ever said something only to wish you could retract it? 

Of course you have. We all have! 

Sufi poet and scholar, Rumi,  suggested all words pass through three gates before they leave our mouths. 

Particularly when giving feedback, get present and speak only if the answer is an emphatic YES to these questions: 

Is it true? To the best of your knowledge, do you have the facts? Or are you making assumptions based on your perceptions?

Is it necessary?  Will the other benefit from your words? What might be the impact if you spoke up? What about the impact of staying quiet? 

Is it kind? Check your intentions. Be a good human.

Let's be impeccable with our words. 

Let's be kindful. ❤️

Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay