Head Tilt #45: Model the way?

Leaders are often told to "model the way." I've coached them to do so, too. 

Modeling the way means:

setting the example,

leading the charge, and

navigating the path.

Those are solid leadership fundamentals.

But here's what model the way does NOT mean:

 

Model the way: make a team of your clones

 

The best leaders set the goals, parameters and metrics, and, whenever possible, provide their teams enough autonomy to get the work done their way. 

And when a team member comes to the leader for direction, a leader empowers them and says:

"I have some ideas,  but I want to hear your ideas, first."

That ↑↑ models the way of:

• humility (you don't know it all), 
• innovation (you encourage new approaches) and 
• coaching (you enable others to do great things). 

Similar to the "who are you wearing" question heard on the red carpet, 

"Hey leaders! What are you modeling for your teams?" 

Fabulous Lego stormtrooper mini-figures image by Andrew Martin from Pixabay 

 

Head Tilt #44: I feed you, you feedback

This is CoSo. He sits at my desk when I am not there. He loves doughnuts.

When cultivating corporate culture, many of the top global corporations are known for qualities such as:

• diversity
• respect
• innovation
• agility
• growth potential
• collaboration

Those are all so important! 

Creating a culture of feedback is, too.

Feedback, when delivered with the right intention and in the right way, can help develop, enhance, improve and strengthen an individual, team, or organization.

Instead of going into the nuts and bolts of how to give feedback, let's model the way for others by seeking it. 

GO FIRST!

Tell co-workers that you're looking to improve. Then ask:

"Can you tell me one thing I am doing well and one thing I could do to be even better?"  

Tie your request to specifics when applicable. For example, before giving a presentation ask your peer to watch for one thing you do well regarding the content of your presentation and one thing about your delivery that might need improvement. 

There's no guarantee they will ask you the same, BUT do it anyway. You'll get another's perspective and they'll get used to giving you feedback. 

WIN-WIN!

Head Tilt #43: Lessons from the leash

Indie and me at UCSC. 🐕 🏃‍♀️

Today I ran the forest trails on the University of California Santa Cruz campus. 

What a run! The sky was clear, the air was crisp with pine and eucalyptus, and the path was empty. I took one of our dogs, Indie, with me. I just adore her; she loves running in the forest-- everything is so ALIVE! (Plus, she gets to be off-leash at times.)

Running with her is also a great way to reinforce her training.

Today I noticed that I said five phrases to her throughout the whole run: 

Leave It

Stay Close

Let's Go

Almost Home

and with much enthusiasm, 

GOOD GIRL! 

As I coached Indie away from another dog near our home stretch, I reflected on the commands I used with her. 

What if, just for fun, I applied them to myself?

I saw it clearly: the Leave It command, spoken with authority, could redirect me when my mind ventures too close to negativity or self-doubt. 

Stay Close would remind me to stay on track and stay focused.

I could use Let's Go to gently push myself when I lag.

Almost Home would renew my commitment when I near completion of a goal. 

Finally, Good Girl!, repeated often, always with love, cheer and at least one exclamation point, could reinforce positive behavior and just make me happy. 🐶

No, I am not saying we should all talk to ourselves the way we talk to our dogs! 

But, if you love your dog and talk to them kindly, it could be a fun framework to ponder. 

For me, the beauty of the way I talk to my dogs rests in its intention, simplicity, clarity, and unconditional love. 

Not a bad foundation for self-talk, if you ask me!

Head Tilt #42: Your audience doesn't have x-ray vision

It’s story time!

You are about to give a presentation.

It's an important one.

Several people you respect are in attendance.

You prepared. You practiced. You're READY!

But you are still very nervous. 

You would rather wash your face with coarse sandpaper than give a speech.

Yet you persevere.

You begin the speech and notice your hands are shaking. Surely the audience noticed. That's okay; you put your hands to the side.

You keep going. 

You know your face flushed to a shade of crimson when you stumble over your words. That's hard to hide. You think everyone must be laughing inside, or at least feeling sorry for you.

Still, you plod on. 

Your heart is going Edgar-Allan-Poe-rogue on you: You are certain those in attendance can hear it pound with a pace that matches your anxiety. Can they even hear what you're saying over it?

But you can see the finish line. You're almost there...

Finally, you conclude the presentation. (Thank goodness!) 

You seem to navigate the Q&A with ease, but can't really be sure.

Then, just as you are about to exit the meeting room, an esteemed colleague compliments you on your presentation prowess.

Wait, what? 

You were a mess (or at least you felt that way). How could they think you did well?

And there you have it: You have just experienced the Illusion of Transparency. 

This cognitive bias occurs when we overestimate the degree of accuracy with which others interpret our internal state. We feel we are transparent and that our inner thoughts and experiences are obvious or even broadcast to others. 

But they're not. 

Translation: Often, our poker faces are better than we think. 🤨

Having taught presentation skills for 20+ years, I've witnessed the illusion of transparency countless times. Here is how it plays out:

A student or client will give a fantastic speech. Their research is sound. They are charismatic. The points are easy to follow, and their slides rock. 

And at the end, I'll give them a well-deserved compliment on their A+ presentation.

That's when they inevitably exhale loudly and say that they were so nervous and they were sure that everyone could tell!

Nope. Rarely can we tell. 

We're not as transparent as we think we are. 

Add to that: While we are the stars of our own show, everyone else is a star of their own show. What that means is that others do not think about us as much as we think they do. 😳

Exhale. You're doing better than you think.

Disclosure: I'm not sure who owns the photo, but isn't it awesome?