Head Tilt #42: Your audience doesn't have x-ray vision

It’s story time!

You are about to give a presentation.

It's an important one.

Several people you respect are in attendance.

You prepared. You practiced. You're READY!

But you are still very nervous. 

You would rather wash your face with coarse sandpaper than give a speech.

Yet you persevere.

You begin the speech and notice your hands are shaking. Surely the audience noticed. That's okay; you put your hands to the side.

You keep going. 

You know your face flushed to a shade of crimson when you stumble over your words. That's hard to hide. You think everyone must be laughing inside, or at least feeling sorry for you.

Still, you plod on. 

Your heart is going Edgar-Allan-Poe-rogue on you: You are certain those in attendance can hear it pound with a pace that matches your anxiety. Can they even hear what you're saying over it?

But you can see the finish line. You're almost there...

Finally, you conclude the presentation. (Thank goodness!) 

You seem to navigate the Q&A with ease, but can't really be sure.

Then, just as you are about to exit the meeting room, an esteemed colleague compliments you on your presentation prowess.

Wait, what? 

You were a mess (or at least you felt that way). How could they think you did well?

And there you have it: You have just experienced the Illusion of Transparency. 

This cognitive bias occurs when we overestimate the degree of accuracy with which others interpret our internal state. We feel we are transparent and that our inner thoughts and experiences are obvious or even broadcast to others. 

But they're not. 

Translation: Often, our poker faces are better than we think. 🤨

Having taught presentation skills for 20+ years, I've witnessed the illusion of transparency countless times. Here is how it plays out:

A student or client will give a fantastic speech. Their research is sound. They are charismatic. The points are easy to follow, and their slides rock. 

And at the end, I'll give them a well-deserved compliment on their A+ presentation.

That's when they inevitably exhale loudly and say that they were so nervous and they were sure that everyone could tell!

Nope. Rarely can we tell. 

We're not as transparent as we think we are. 

Add to that: While we are the stars of our own show, everyone else is a star of their own show. What that means is that others do not think about us as much as we think they do. 😳

Exhale. You're doing better than you think.

Disclosure: I'm not sure who owns the photo, but isn't it awesome? 

Head Tilt #23: The Curse of Knowledge

Try this!

1. Grab a friend and ask them to partake in a quick listening experiment. You'll be the tapper and they will be the listener.

2. Next, think of a common song, something that many people know like the "Star Spangled Banner" or "It's a Small World" for example. Don't reveal what song you are thinking of. 

3.  Tap out the rhythm on a table or wall. Don't hum. Don't even gesture or make facial expressions that go along with the song. Just tap a few stanzas.

4. Let your friend guess the song. Don't be surprised if they get it wrong. 

5. Finally, tell them what song it was. Thank them for playing along. For fun, reverse roles and have them tap out a different, well-known song for you.

The debrief: When you were the tapper, did it seem obvious to you what song you were tapping? Was it frustrating to you that they couldn't identify it? If so, then, congratulations! You just experienced the curse of knowledge. 

The curse of knowledge is an error in thinking called a cognitive bias. It happens when we know something so well that we assume others know it too. 

The more familiar we are with something, the harder it is to believe that others aren't familiar with it. 

This phenomenon was demonstrated in 1990, when Stanford graduate student, Elizabeth Newton, ran the tapper/listener experiment you just tried. Out of 120 songs, listeners were only able to correctly identify three, even though the tappers were fairly confident that the songs would be obvious to the listeners. If you just conducted your own little tapping experiment, this will make perfect sense to you!

More than a fun party trick, this concept has wide-spread application in the world of communication. Innocently enough, because of the curse of knowledge, people—just like the tappers—have a tendency to assume a shared base of knowledge with their audience. This inadvertently leads to exclusion, frustration and misunderstanding when communicating.

My ex-husband displayed the curse of knowledge in many of our conversations. He sells software solutions for Dell. Sometimes, when he excitedly told me about his wins for the day, he talked about cloud computing, CR and DR* plans, blah blah blah... Honestly, he'd often lose me at "cloud." In a conversation like this, I usually asked many clarifying questions, or if I got exasperated, I gave up. My mind just didn't understand it, so I tuned him out. (I can teach people to be great listeners, but that doesn't mean I am always a great listener!)

It's not that he intended to confuse me or that he felt big saying things I don't understand (to be determined); he just assumed we shared the same field of software knowledge and that the terms he used were common. Everyone knows this stuff, right? Wrong! Well, all of his peers do. To me, these words and phrases were foreign.

The curse of knowledge can creep up in all types of communication such as presentations, marketing pitches, instruction, conversations and email.  It's possible any time someone with a specialized skill communicates to someone who doesn't share that same level of expertise. Once we know something, it's hard to think that others don't know it too. 

Here are some examples of the curse of knowledge and its impact on others:

• A new student feels lost and leaves the beginner's yoga class early because the instructor uses words like asana, mudra and chaturanga, without explaining what they mean. 

• An email from top management announces the implementation of a new software system but fails to communicate that it will ultimately make the employees' task much easier. The management assumes the benefits are obvious, but the employees don't know that. They, in turn, resist because it just seems like a lot of extra work for nothing. 

• A flier that promises to stop marketing and start humaning by creating thumb-stopping, snackable content ends up in the recycle bin because you have no idea what it's referencing.(Neither do I.)

Our goal with any communication, at work, at home or in the studio, should be to get the message to our audience as effectively as possible. This requires getting out of our heads and into theirs, so to speak. The trick is to make messages clear and inclusive, without risking "dumbing it down" to the level of insulting the audience's intelligence. Here are a few strategies that will help you do just that: 

1. Shrink your blindspots. They say you don't know what you don't know. But now you know! Knowing that cognitive biases such as the curse of knowledge exist might help you avoid them. 

2. Though easier said than done, think back to when you were a novice. What explanations helped you get your head around the concepts you are trying to share? 

3. Determine your audience's base level of subject knowledge. Is your audience comprised of experts, lay-people, somewhere in between, or a combination? Meet them where they are at, and take them further. With a mixed audience, respectfully acknowledge the experts ("I know so and so could teach this") while simplifying for the novices. 

4. Test-drive your pitch or presentation to someone who is representative of your audience. Get someone to read your robust email before you send it. Ask for feedback about what made sense to them and what didn't. Have them summarize what they think you said and then check for accuracy. Adapt your messaging as needed. 

5. Keep it simple. Use fewer words, state your main points up front, and limit jargon and  25-cent words. Your goal really isn't to show others how smart you are. 

It bears repeating: Your goal is to get the message across as effectively as possible. Avoiding the curse of knowledge helps make this happen. 

Curse broken! 

*Cyber Recovery and Disaster Recovery

Photo by Olya Kobruseva from Pexels

Head Tilt #19: Fundamentally speaking

Someone cuts you off in traffic. 

"That jerk!" you think (or, if you're like me, you'll use more colorful descriptors). It doesn't matter to you that the driver might be stressed, late, or even in labor.

They did a BAD THING because they're a BAD PERSON.  😈

On the other hand, we only do "bad" things because of external influences. 😇

And ↑that↑ is fundamental attribution error in action. 

Fundamental attribution error is a cognitive bias that takes two possible explanations for behavior into consideration:

1. Our behaviors are influenced by internal characteristics like personality and disposition (it's just the way someone is). 

2. Our behaviors are influenced by external situational factors (such as stress, labor, etc).

Here's the twist (and therefore, the "error"):

Research shows that when interpreting other people's behavior, particularly behavior that bugs us like being cut off by someone in traffic, we are more inclined to attribute others' behavior to internal factors.  Our minds don't immediately leap to looking for reasonable explanations. Instead, we go to the accusation: They're simply a rude, reckless idiot. 

BUT!

When interpreting our own behavior, e.g., we are the ones to cut someone off in traffic, we are quick to attach our behaviors to external reasons. It's someone or something else's fault:

"I am late and need to move, and besides, they didn't even need to tap their brakes-- I'm such a good driver."

or

"This person isn't driving fast enough, and I must pass them."

or

"If this person weren't a Sunday driver, I wouldn't have to cut them off."

Blame. Blame. Blame.

So what to do?

1. Be aware of this inclination. Interesting to note is that Americans (who live in a traditionally competitive culture) are more likely to have this bias than those in other less me-oriented and more collaborative cultures, such as those in India for example. 

2. Put distance between stimulus and response. Breathe. Don't react on your first impulse. 

3. Offer three possible alternative explanations other than blaming another's personality/internal attributions -- no matter how outrageous those explanations might be. For example, the next time someone cuts you off and your heart rate accelerates along with your speed, pause and say, 

"There must be free doughnuts up at the next exit. " 

You never know. 🍩 🍩 🍩

Cognitive biases such as fundamental attribution error limit our empathy and understanding of others. These prejudices color the way we respond to others. 

Becoming aware of such biases helps you become

a better leader, 

a better friend, 

a better partner and

 

a better person. 

Image by anya1 from Pixabay