A few months ago I coached a client who was transitioning into a new career.
She started the call close to tears.
She was being forced out of her current job (COVID, restructuring, etc.) and needed to search for a new one. The business of her soon-to-be former employer was what she knew. The processes were familiar. She was comfortable with her co-workers. A peek at her office would likely find the company logo on a hat, jacket, and travel mug. And even though it wasn't always perfect, her job defined her professionally for over a decade. She thought she'd retire there, to be honest.
No wonder she was emotional about leaving.
We sat in silence for a while before proceeding with our session.
I told her it was okay to mourn this loss, and I think she was grateful for the safe space.
This was only the first step of our coaching session, though. Often when clients are facing work transitions, I walk them through my 3 M's for change.
Mourn.
Mine.
Move on.
We can apply these 3 M's to any major professional transition, particularly when the change isn't our choice.
1. MOURN
We mourn loss by allowing ourselves to feel discomfort, defensiveness, disappointment, grief, sadness, anger, or whatever other feelings might arise when we traverse loss. (They won't just go away because we ignore them.)
Talk it out with a trusted friend, counselor, or coach. Get it out by writing in a journal. Work it out with physical exertion. (I'm a fan of hitting stuff). We can even dance it out-- One of my sisters, for example, swears that moving to any track by Nine Inch Nails is great for releasing anger. She's right, of course. ;) Likely our morning period is a combination of many things.
The point is that we need to acknowledge the emotional difficulty of change instead of ignoring it, and only then we can find our path through it.
2. MINE
Next, we put on our metaphorical yellow hard hats and mine the experience for lessons we can carry forward. We search for diamonds, gold, or any other treasures: positive and negative. What did we learn from the place, period, or person we are leaving? What are our strengths? Where can we grow? Don a cloak of humility and seek feedback before leaving, or thoughtfully review feedback that has accumulated over time. Mine with a learner's mindset instead of defense. Examone data with a flashlight, not a hammer. Yes, we can do this. Because we want to get better and it's just like us to do so.
3. MOVE ON
Once we have acknowledged our discomfort with change and collected valuable lessons, we move on. We don't burn bridges. Not us! We move on with gratitude, professionalism, realistic optimism, and the belief that everything happens for a reason-- even if we aren't sure of that reason just yet.
So. Much. Easier. Said.Than. Done.
But as my favorite Peloton instructor, Robin Arzon, says:
No challenge, no change.
Change is inevitable. Let's change for the better.
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| Me, working through something! |