Head Tilt #50: GROW great people

One of the most important parts of being a great leader is developing others. As one of my clients used to say, leaders need to grow great people. But how?

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Imagine someone took a snapshot of a "perfect" developmental or problem-solving conversation. 

What would that picture look like? 

It would probably mirror the GROW coaching model. 

What it is: Developed in the 1980s by Sir John Whitmore, GROW coaching is a fundamental coaching model. It follows the logical progression of a development or problem-solving conversation. 

Who can use it: Managers, peers, parents, friends, partners, dogs

When to use it: When you want to understand another's view and help them create a powerful pathway to a goal. It's particularly helpful in one-on-ones.

Why we use it: To empower others, enable autonomy and build trusting relationships. (So much goodness!)

Key skills for using this model: Curiosity, listening, care, patience, humility (i. e., you might not always have the best solution)

Watch outs: Suspend the urge to immediately prescribe the path. Ask good questions but don't slip into the role of therapist. If this is a new way of communicating for you, try some transparency; tell your co-communicator that you're trying to practice curiosity instead of command. 

Suppose you are planning a trip. You'd probably want to know your destination, starting place, possible routes, and your plan, right? 

That ↑ is GROW coaching. 

G = GOAL This is the destination. Where does your co-communicator (let's call them the "coachee") want to go? Or, if that's predetermined, what is the goal you want them to achieve?

R= REALITY This is the starting place. Where are they right now in comparison to the goal? 

O = OPTIONS This is where you and your coachee generate options for bridging the gap. How will they get from where they are now to the destination? 

W = WILL (AKA: What's next, Way forward) Which of the options is best? 

Here are some GROW coaching questions to get you started:

Goal questions: What is your most important priority right now? Why? What would count as a win this week/month/quarter/season?

Reality questions: What's happening for you now? On a scale of 1-10, how close are you to the goal? What have you tried? What works? What doesn't?

Option questions: What ideas do you have to meet your goal? What has worked so far, and what if you continued that? What do you think your customer would suggest? What is the most feasible plan right now considering time, motivation and resources? 

Will/What's next questions: Which plan makes the most sense to you?  When will you start? On a scale of 1-10, how motivated are you? How can I help? 

There are sooooo many more questions you can ask. Presence with the conversation, coupled with positive intent, greatly outweighs following any script. Go with the flow. Sometimes you'll need to provide information or direction. That's okay! For the best results, pay attention to how much you are speaking and how much you are listening. Look for some sort of balance between the two roles. 

Message me at michellemakeswaves@gmail.com  for a list of my favorite GROW questions. 😉

Photo by Akil Mazumder from Pexels

Head Tilt #49: I could teach this in my sleep

My sleepy Bitmoji

I've been teaching others how to give presentations in the college and corporate classrooms for 25 years. That's a long time. And it's one of my favorite things to teach. I get to see participants face their fears and build their confidence as they hone their skills. Students are so empowered when they find their voice. It's exciting to be a part of that. 😊

Allegiant to the Head Tilt notion, I am tipping my head to the side today to see what tried-and-true public speaking advice comes out. This is not a comprehensive list! 

Active links to other posts about speaking are in blue. 

In no particular order, here we go:

• Speaking is about having something to say and saying it well. Your goal is to get your message to your audience as effectively as possible. This requires knowing your audience and clarifying your goal. 

• Great speakers are made, not born. It's a skill anyone can improve. Check out the learning ladder.

• The fear is real! I understand! I've seen it in others, and I've felt it myself. Reduce fear by sticking with the 3 Ps: Preparation, practice, and a (realistically) positive attitude. As counterintuitive as it might seem, we can also think about ourselves less and focus our audience more. This post has good news about the fear of speaking. This one dispels poor, awkward advice.

• The audience members are co-authors of the presentation. For real. Create the speech with them in mind. Consider the audience size, average age, and general attitude toward you and your topic. 

• Whether consciously or not, every audience is wondering why they should listen and why they should listen to you. Connect them with the topic by telling them what's in it for them. Connect them with you by building your credibility: share your expertise (e.g., title, research, or time on the project) and your intention.

• Speaking of intention, we speak primarily to inform (educate, demonstrate, show, tell)  or to persuade (motivate, convince, move to action). It's important to know which one is the specific purpose of your presentation.

• There are three parts of speech development: Content, Organization, and Delivery.

• Use interesting comparisons, examples, and statistics to build up the content of your speech. Use familiar metaphors to explain complex information. 

• Compare the organization of your presentation to a workout. Don't skip a part! 

1.     Warm-up (introduction)
2.     Workout (body of the speech)
3.     Cool down (conclusion/call to action)

• Transitions bridge one idea to the next. They are game-changers for technical presentations. Before moving to a new main point, summarize what you just said and preview what's to come. "Now that you know a little more about the project design, I am going to walk you through the implementation phases." 

• Your body, face, and voice are your secret weapons during a speech. Be aware of two types of delivery: Physical and vocal. Physical delivery has to do with your posture, eye contact, gestures, and facial expressions. Vocal delivery is all about your speaking pitch, rate, and volume, and each should be varied for the biggest impact. 

• Memorize your presentation's first and last lines so you know exactly how to start and conclude. Memorize the structure of your presentation, but don't try to memorize every word! Extemporaneous speaking is about knowing your speech structure and speaking conversationally while being able to pivot with content as needed.

• You are the main event, not your visual aids.

• Fewer is best when it comes to slides. Scrap information- (and bullet point-) overload. Make white space your friend. Use images over words whenever possible. (Slides are not giant note cards!) 

• If you mess up, keep going! Audiences love authentic speakers. Think Hugh Jackman.

• You're still "on" during the Q&A-- make sure you have prepared for it and remain polished. Remember what happened to me? Use PREP to answer questions with ease.

• Get better. Seek feedback after the presentation. What did you do well? What could you do better?

I have so much more I want to tell you! In the spirit of head-tilt brevity, I'll end with this final thought, directed specifically at those who fear public speaking:

YOU CAN DO THIS! 

Head Tilt #48: Ch-ch-ch-changes

We often get more change than we'd like.

Continually

Having

A

New

Growth

Experience

That's C.H.A.N.G.E. 

At least that's how one of my fellow acronym-loving friends sees it. She's such an optimist and I love that. 

Full disclosure: I don't love change. 

Nonetheless, I've studied it extensively and, much like the gym teacher who eats donuts on the sidelines while telling students to run laps, I teach others about it often. 

Here's some of what I know about change:

1. We are hard-wired to resist change. Thank you, reptilian brain, for always looking out for danger. We appreciate you. 🦖  🙏

2. We only resist change we didn't choose, don't want, or can't understand. Think about it: You get the promotion you always wanted- BIG CHANGE! Do you resist it? Heck no. All in!

3. We can navigate any change a bit better when we stop and take a good look at it. We fear the unknown. Invite change in, pour some tea, and get to know it. 🫖

Last week I helped leaders from my favorite municipality (you know who you are!) navigate their own resistance to change, as well as empathize with their team members' push-back. Here are the questions I asked them to consider. 

• RATE: How fast is the change? Do you (or your team) have time to ramp-up gradually, or is immediate compliance expected? 
• DESIRABILITY: Do you and/or your team desire the change? Can you see the positive impact? If so, can you champion that to others who might not see it?
• DEGREE: Is this a big change or a minor one? This matters! Bigger changes (like a new software system) are often more stressful than little ones (like a notice that proclaims food left longer than three days in the company fridge will be thrown out).
• CONTROL: How much control (or input) do you have regarding this change? Were you consulted? Regardless, do you have any autonomy for implementation? 
• JUGGLE: Is this a singular change, one of many, or does it affect a series of changes?

To be clear, a few of the leaders in my class were dealing with huge changes. They represented the Fire, Police and Water departments in my  oops, I mean, their community. 😉  

The changes they've dealt with over the past year are monumental!These are frontline workers who were required to show up. Fires tore through the mountains-- over 86,000 acres were scorched. Justified protests popped up all over the community. Oh, and water —our lifeblood—is ALWAYS an issue in California. 

The first step to handling change is having a framework for understanding change. Stay tuned for how to help your team manage change. 

Photo by Stephanie Bayer https://pixabay.com/users/stephenbayer-17941/

Head Tilt #47: Check, please!

Imagine this:

You lead the weekly team Zoom call. This week, a member of your group-- who usually contributes a lot--  has their camera off and participates very little. When you send a private chat message asking them if everything is ok, they send you a "thumbs up" reaction. That's out of character, you note. Before the meeting adjourns, you ask them to update the team on a pivotal project. They respond curtly and say, "All is well, and we will meet the deadline." 

At this point you're starting to take it personally. Why are they being so rude? Camera off, no participation, vague update. They embarrassed you in front of the team. What the heck? You are beginning to suspect that their odd behavior is due to their dissatisfaction with the way you handled a recent client situation.

You decide to call them up to call them on their stuff...

STOP! 

Before you go into defense mode, this is the *perfect* time to check perceptions. 

The perception-checking model has three steps, but before we get to that, kick back and enjoy this mini-lecture, truncated from the college classroom. 

1. Perception is the ability to become aware of something through our senses. We have a preponderance of stimuli coming our way at any given moment. Perception is the active process of noticing, choosing, organizing, interpreting, and understanding sensory information.  

2. All perceptions are subjective. They are individually interpreted and, therefore, not the same for everyone.

3. Sensory stimuli travels through our perceptual filters in order to interpret it. You know those plexiglass face shields some people wore during the pandemic in lieu of, or along with, masks? Our perceptual filters are like porous layer upon layer of those shields.  Stimuli goes through each shield (filter).  Perceptual filters include life experience, attitude, age, gender, knowledge, culture, and values—just to name a few. And, to make it extra-fun: these filters vary from person to person. 

Here is the least you need to know for the quiz.*

To enhance shared understanding and to decrease interpersonal conflict, we need to check our perceptions instead of assuming they represent reality.  

And here is how to check perceptions IRL.

Step 1: State your neutral observations of the facts. 

Step 2: Offer two interpretations of those facts.

Step 3: Request clarification.

Note: As with any model— use this as handrails, not handcuffs. Lean on it as needed. 

Let's go back to the Zoom example. Instead of following the flow of your defensiveness and angrily confronting your co-worker, you can let curiosity lead the conversation. First, get centered, and be aware of your non-verbals, particularly control your tone of voice, if talking by phone. 

Using the perception-checking model, it would sound something like this:

Step 1: State the facts— stick to what’s observable 

"Hey. In the call this week I noticed your camera was off and your update was brief."

Step 2: Offer two interpretations

"I’m wondering if something is going on that we should address or maybe you're just busy."

Step 3: Request feedback

What's up?**

Maybe your peer will confirm your suspicion, and they are indeed disappointed with the way you handled something. Maybe they will say their technology was wonky. Maybe their dog just went in for emergency surgery last night and their mind was elsewhere. 

We just don't know until we check our perceptions. 

Fun fact: I've been studying and teaching communication for over 25 years. Originally I planned on this being my 53rd blog post— the Big Bang, so to speak. Why? because it's the number one communication model  I’d want to teach everyone who steps in my training classroom. I just couldn't wait! 

*The quiz is canceled. 😆

**Yes, you could skip steps 1 and 2 and cut right to "What's up?" While I want you to be you, I suggest including your version of steps 1 and 2 to meet your conversational goal of reducing defensiveness and exploring perception. I have taught this widely-used model to thousands of people. I use it, myself, often. It's not a magic trick. But it can have magical results.