Head Tilt #24: Anonymous Me

Anonymous me

An-o-nym-i-ty 

noun

The condition of being anonymous

/anəˈnimədē/

That used to be a really hard word for me to pronounce when I said it in my leadership workshops. 

Say it quickly three times out loud, and you'll know my struggle.

But ever since the pandemic, that word has moved up to heavy rotation in my vocabulary playlist. Now it rolls off my tongue. While I appreciate human connection, I love some of the anonymity I've found during this upside-down time.

I love the anonymity of slipping into the grocery store with a mask and not having to engage in much more than brief small talk with the person six feet in front of me who wants to know if the frozen Amy's meals in my cart are any good. (Yes, they are, that's why I am buying them.)

I love the anonymity of company Zoom meetings I attend when I can turn off my camera and just listen, all while filing my nails. 

I love the anonymity of running with a cap, sunglasses and a gaiter that covers my face-- I feel like I'm a superhero in disguise. (Maybe I am; I'll never tell.)

But do you know where anonymity isn't okay? 

In the workplace. 

In his cleverly-titled, best-selling book, The Three Signs of a Miserable Job, leadership guru Pat Lencioni says that people are least satisfied in the workplace when:

1. Their results are immeasurable.
2. They feel their work is irrelevant.
3. They think they are anonymous to their boss and team. 

Number three means that no one really knows them beyond their job title. (Abraham Maslow knew what he was talking about when he put belonging on the hierarchy of needs.)

Good leaders tackle anonymity by making their team members feel seen. 

Good leaders:*

• Know their employees names and how to pronounce them correctly. (It's the little things.)

• Can identify people's work strengths (e.g., logical, detail-oriented, idea-generator, or supporter) and then give them opportunities to work from their sweet spots.

• Tailor employee recognition to employee preferences. People can have only so many Starbucks cards- especially if they prefer their local caffeine dispensary. (See my post on the platinum rule for more on this.)

• Have an idea of who their employees are beyond the workplace. Good leaders notice all of the SF Giants decor in your workspace, and they listen when you mention your family, kids or pets.

• Know what projects you've worked hard on and thoughtfully acknowledge your efforts. 

*This is not an exhaustive list. 

There are so many ways to tackle anonymity and make your workforce feel less like cogs in the machine and more like real human beings. 

What are you doing to tackle anonymity with your team? 

Head Tilt #23: The Curse of Knowledge

Try this!

1. Grab a friend and ask them to partake in a quick listening experiment. You'll be the tapper and they will be the listener.

2. Next, think of a common song, something that many people know like the "Star Spangled Banner" or "It's a Small World" for example. Don't reveal what song you are thinking of. 

3.  Tap out the rhythm on a table or wall. Don't hum. Don't even gesture or make facial expressions that go along with the song. Just tap a few stanzas.

4. Let your friend guess the song. Don't be surprised if they get it wrong. 

5. Finally, tell them what song it was. Thank them for playing along. For fun, reverse roles and have them tap out a different, well-known song for you.

The debrief: When you were the tapper, did it seem obvious to you what song you were tapping? Was it frustrating to you that they couldn't identify it? If so, then, congratulations! You just experienced the curse of knowledge. 

The curse of knowledge is an error in thinking called a cognitive bias. It happens when we know something so well that we assume others know it too. 

The more familiar we are with something, the harder it is to believe that others aren't familiar with it. 

This phenomenon was demonstrated in 1990, when Stanford graduate student, Elizabeth Newton, ran the tapper/listener experiment you just tried. Out of 120 songs, listeners were only able to correctly identify three, even though the tappers were fairly confident that the songs would be obvious to the listeners. If you just conducted your own little tapping experiment, this will make perfect sense to you!

More than a fun party trick, this concept has wide-spread application in the world of communication. Innocently enough, because of the curse of knowledge, people—just like the tappers—have a tendency to assume a shared base of knowledge with their audience. This inadvertently leads to exclusion, frustration and misunderstanding when communicating.

My husband displays the curse of knowledge in many of our conversations. He sells software solutions for Dell. Sometimes when he excitedly tells me about his wins for the day, he talks about cloud computing, CR and DR* plans, blah blah blah... Honestly, he often loses me at "cloud." In a conversation like this I usually end up asking a lot of clarifying questions or, if I get exasperated, I give up. My mind just doesn't make sense of it so I tune him out. (Hey, I can teach people to be great listeners, but that doesn't mean I am always a great listener!)

It's not that he intends to confuse me, or that he feels big saying things I don't understand, he just thinks we share the same field of knowledge about software and that the terms he uses are common. Everyone knows this stuff, right? Wrong! Well, all of his peers do. To me, these words and phrases are foreign.

The curse of knowledge can creep up in all types of communication such as presentations, marketing pitches, instruction, conversations and email.  It's possible any time someone with a specialized skill communicates to someone who doesn't share that same level of expertise. Once we know something, it's hard to think that others don't know it too. 

Here are some examples of the curse of knowledge and its impact on others:

• A new student feels lost and leaves the beginner's yoga class early because the instructor uses words like asana, mudra and chaturanga, without explaining what they mean. 

• An email from top management announces the implementation of a new software system but fails to communicate that it will ultimately make the employees' task much easier. The management assumes the benefits are obvious, but the employees don't know that. They, in turn, resist because it just seems like a lot of extra work for nothing. 

• A flier that promises to stop marketing and start humaning by creating thumb-stopping, snackable content ends up in the recycle bin because you have no idea what it's referencing.(Neither do I.)

Our goal with any communication, at work, at home or in the studio, should be to get the message to our audience as effectively as possible. This requires getting out of our heads and into theirs, so to speak. The trick is to make messages clear and inclusive, without risking "dumbing it down" to the level of insulting the audience's intelligence. Here are a few strategies that will help you do just that: 

1. Shrink your blindspots. They say you don't know what you don't know. But now you know! Knowing that cognitive biases such as the curse of knowledge exist might help you avoid them. 

2. Though easier said than done, think back to when you were a novice. What explanations helped you get your head around the concepts you are trying to share? 

3. Determine your audience's base level of subject knowledge. Is your audience comprised of experts, lay-people, somewhere in between, or a combination? Meet them where they are at, and take them further. With a mixed audience, respectfully acknowledge the experts ("I know so and so could teach this") while simplifying for the novices. 

4. Test-drive your pitch or presentation to someone who is representative of your audience. Get someone to read your robust email before you send it. Ask for feedback about what made sense to them and what didn't. Have them summarize what they think you said and then check for accuracy. Adapt your messaging as needed. 

5. Keep it simple. Use fewer words, state your main points up front, and limit jargon and  25-cent words. Your goal really isn't to show others how smart you are. 

It bears repeating: Your goal is to get the message across as effectively as possible. Avoiding the curse of knowledge helps make this happen. 

Curse broken! 

*Cyber Recovery and Disaster Recovery

Photo by Olya Kobruseva from Pexels

Head Tilt #22: Tigers and tabby-cats

Photo from Pexels

 

Today, I offer you the least you need to know about the amazing human brain. 

By the way, it's also the most I know about the amazing human brain.

I first learned about this a while back from Dr. Dan Siegel's hand model of the brain, and then researched it more. I have been talking about it in training ever since.

If you're committed to showing up with competent, mindful communication, we'd better take a closer look at three specific parts of our marvelous organic computer: the brainstem, limbic system, and prefrontal cortex.*

Okay, let's do this!

First, let's give a nod of gratitude to the brainstem.  Located at the base of the brain, the brainstem regulates involuntary things such as breathing, body temperature, blood pressure, and heartbeat. If we come face to face with a hungry tiger, for example, our heartbeat accelerates, and our blood pressure elevates-- we don't even think about it. That's all the brainstem's job.

Next, let's shout out to the brainstem's hard-working co-worker, the limbic system. This part of the brain system is in charge of our emotions and the fight or flight responses. So, when we see the tiger and the brainstem is busy taking care of cardiovascular and respiratory functions; the limbic system, in this case, the amygdala, simultaneously shoots up the flare that says, "Panic!" In a millisecond, we feel the urge to yell, run, or hide--or all three.

Do we think about what to do in that millisecond? Not really. The brainstem and limbic system take over.

Like superheroes, they're busy saving our lives. 

They got this!

They take over so quickly that they override the prefrontal cortex, the aptly named "smart part" of the brain that resides in the frontal lobe. The prefrontal cortex is where reasoning, judgment, and problem-solving take place. It's like the brainstem's and limbic system's boss; it reviews their work and determines the best course of action. 

But when those two get triggered and sense danger, they fire the boss and do what they want. 

That's all very well when the danger is a hungry tiger. 

The thing is, the brainstem and limbic system aren't too good at distinguishing a tiger from a tabby cat, so to speak. They rely on the boss they just fired for that stuff.

Let's pivot to the workplace.

Suppose you are in an important meeting and your co-worker speaks up and takes credit for your work. 

UGH!

Your heart beats faster. You feel defensive. You are angry, and your physiological responses indicate that. 

Even so, choosing between fight, flight, freeze, or faint is not the best course of action. Your life isn't in danger. 

This situation is more tabby-cat and less tiger. 

You need to engage the prefrontal cortex. Rehire the boss and make a good decision about how to proceed. 

How? 

1. Breathe. Put distance between the stimulus (in this case, the co-worker taking credit for your ideas) and your response. Give yourself a moment before you go into auto-pilot and regret it later. Take a few deep breaths immediately, or be like a Navy Seal and proactively practice box breathing.

2. Remember your why. This is huge. Why is it important for you to control your response? Are you modeling the way for others? Are you working hard to build relationships? Are you looking to be promoted? Are you trying to assume positive intent with all co-workers before jumping to conclusions? These are all great reasons to let your prefrontal cortex take back the reins from the other two who are in control. What gets you out of bed in the morning? If you don't have a why get clear on it now. Simon Sinek's wildly successful TED Talk is a great place to start!

3. Ask yourself: Tiger or tabby-cat? Is this a life-threatening situation (tiger) or something much less (tabby cat)? Know the difference. 

The World Federation of Neurology claimed July 22 as World Brain Day. It promotes advocacy and awareness of brain health, choosing a specific focus each year. 

I propose that you dub today, the day you're reading this, whatever day that might be, as your own brain appreciation day. It's working hard on your behalf, even when you don't think about it. 

(Pun totally intended.) 

*There are other parts of the brain to explore, and there are much better people to educate you about them. Remember, this is the least you need to know, and I am obviously not a neuroscientist. 

That is pretty apparent. 😆

Head Tilt #21: Who let the dogs out?

Remember that song?

"Who let the dogs out?"

It assaulted my ears for years (sorry, Baha Men).

And like a call and response at a Sunday service, I always chimed in with, "WHO, WHO, WHO, WHO!"

You didn't?!

My wonderdogs, Deja Vu and Indie, hoping I let them out.

Though I’m not beyond using a pic of my dogs to get your attention, today’s message is all about accountability, not dogs. 

Who really did let those darn dogs out?  Was anyone ever held accountable? Did the dogs come back? Are they okay?

Accountability-- the ability to accept responsibility for one's actions-- is a HUGE trust builder in the workplace. 

And just like that I awkwardly turned an early aughts ear worm and a picture of my dogs into a blog post. 😆

Leaders build psychological safety by nurturing an environment in which their team is not only expected to make mistakes and but also to admit them and learn from them.

Team members build credibility and trust with their colleagues when they are able to speak up when things are off course. 

My favorite company to work with (you know who you are!) embraces accountability in its three corporate values: passion, humility and trustworthiness. These are more than power words on their website. They really aim to weave the values in everything they do, internally and externally.

With passion, employees are encouraged to accomplish great things. They are told to take ownership in all of their work. 

        This gives them space to take credit for their wins and accept their losses.

With regard to humility, they are to respect and learn not only from their colleagues, but also from their competitors. 

        This gives them room to grow from all experiences- good and bad.

As for trustworthiness, they proclaim that their dependence on one another becomes their greatest strength. 

    This gives them the drive to excel and be honest, when they hit the target, and when they don't. 

If someone at this company "lets the dogs out," they can speak up, get help getting the dogs back inside, and learn from the error to ensure it doesn’t happen again. 

What are you doing to encourage accountability? How are you allowing a mistake-making place in which peers can admit mistakes and course-correct?  How do you hold yourself accountable for results? 

Note: All dogs in this post are accounted for. 🐕 🐶