Head Tilt #40: Is anyone listening?

 

The fabulous Indie. Listening really is her superpower ❤️

When I ask clients to identify their communication superpower, many say they are great listeners. 

Okay. 🤨

I taught semester-long listening classes at a local college for 15 years... 

I know enough about listening to know that it is not everyone's superpower. Nor is it mine. 

Stellar listeners juggle many more skills than hearing. They are able to focus, ask good questions and encourage the speaker to talk, all while curbing their own desire to save the day by offering solutions or to defend themselves when the topic of conversation is directed at them.

Being a great listener is much harder than it sounds (pun intended). 

If you want listening to be your superpower, this is what (I think) I know:

1. Put your stuff aside. You can get it later, I promise. I have a "Check Ego" sticker on the dashboard of my car-- right near the “check oil” light. It was meant for my bumper, but why would I ask others to check their ego when I know it starts with me? If you truly want to be a great listener, check your ego and your issues at the door. This is not about you, at least not yet. Your rebuttals, defenses, and counterarguments can come later-- only after the person in front of you feels completely heard. Your goal: Connection

2. Every time your mind wanders, bring it back to the speaker. Like a litter of puppies waking from their nap, our minds wander. We come by this naturally: The average speaker talks at a rate of 125-150 words per minute, whereas we can process between 400-500  words per minute. That's a lot of downtime in our big brains! So, like those puppies, we look for other things to do: daydream, make lists, judge others, formulate our next response, and so on.  Through awareness and gentle repetition, train your brain to get laser-focused on the person talking to you. When you catch yourself drifting away, redirect. Again and again. Your goal: Presence

3. Ask Questions. Listening isn't a passive, silent role. While you should limit interruptions and be quiet so you can gather information, there is a time to insert your voice. Ask questions that help clarify ideas and aid in understanding, for the speaker and for you. Your Goal: Clarification and Comprehension

To get the speaker to clarify ideas; and to assist in your own comprehension of what's being said, ask questions like:

• What do you mean by ______?
• When is it better? When is it worst?
• Can you give me an example?    
• How do you see this being resolved?
• How can I help?  (my favorite)

Steer clear of assumptions and check the accuracy of your interpretations by asking questions like:

• It sounds like you felt misrepresented. Is that correct? 
• Your tone tells me you are more upset about this than you're letting on. Is that right? 

Top Tip: Tone matters. Any of these examples could sound condescending or accusatory with a slight shift in tone. The way you say it is as important as what you say. 

4. Encourage the speaker to continue.

That solution you know will work? Save it! When you want to open your mouth and let the words pour out: Zip it! Listening isn't about solving. Not yet. Resist the temptation to fix everything. No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.  Your Goal: Encouragement

Phrases you can interject for encouragement:

• I see.
• Tell me more.
• I get it. 
• Please continue. 

You can also nod, maintain eye contact, and lean in to show you're interested. 

When you feel like you understand and the speaker feels heard, then it is your turn to talk. And maybe they will listen to you like you listened to them.

Being a great listener benefits our friends, partners, children, colleagues, employees, customers, and ourselves! 

Though superheroes are usually born with their powers (or, in one case, bitten by a spider), most of us have to work at this one. And it's worth it. 

Right now, more than ever, the world needs stellar listeners. 

I know I do. 

What's your communication superpower?

Head Tilt #39: Make the future you proud

When I teach I provide participants with lots of practical tools. 

For example, in a recent customer service class I covered:

• the service mindset
• how to analyze what your customers want
• three communication essentials for connecting with customers
• a framework for dealing with difficult customers, and 
• how to recover when things go sideways

That's a lot! And it's coupled with handouts, activities, and reflection. 

At the end of most classes, I ask people a variation of the same two questions: 

    What one concept or tool stood out to you? What could you try tomorrow? 

There's no need to take it all on at once.

Through years of teaching and coaching, I've seen that we're often so eager to change that we take an all-or-nothing approach: Do it all or don't do a thing.

And through the years I've tried to let others know that the most important part of development is to do one small thing. 

That thing that stood out? Test drive it! 

Check the results. Are you pleased? 

Good! 

Practice it for a bit and then add another small thing. 

Then do another! 

Stack small steps on top of small steps until you have a whole bunch of small steps leading right to the top of your big goal.

Make the future you proud! 

And here's a secret you should all know: 

The future you does not only exist in that far away place you’ll reach when you:

• have it all figured out
• saved enough money
• found the perfect weight
• earned the right degrees
• applied all of the lessons you learned. 

The future you is mere minutes away. Make that future you proud.

The future you is the one who is pleased with the way you handled a sticky situation. Make that future you proud. 

The future you is the one who said what needed to be said at the team meeting. Make that future you proud.

The future you is the one crossing the finish-line of the workout that you didn't want to do but did anyway.Make that future you proud. 

The future you is the one who just made a micro-movement toward a bigger goal. Make that future you proud. 

Fun fact: I sat down to write this blog post and though I knew what I wanted to say, I wasn't sure how I'd say it. Still, I knew I wanted to make the future me proud. 

And I did.  💕

Yay!

Head Tilt #38: Creeds, credos, cats, and klocks

 

 Do you have a credo?

   I don't... not yet!

Credo (rhymes with Play-Doh) is Latin for "I believe."  A credo is a personal, value-based commitment  statement that guides your behaviors. 

I need one.

Does your company have a creed? 

A creed is like a credo, except it usually boils down the company values to an inspiring phrase or two that reminds the team who they are. 

(It's different than a mission statement, which serves to keep the focus on a company's broad goals.) 

Don't worry-- there's no quiz on this. 

Today I want to tell you about the Kit-Cat Creed. For almost 90 years it has guided the company that makes the Kit-Cat Klocks (pictured above, not to be confused with Kit Kat candy bars). Their credo is so fantastic that I might borrow it as my credo. 

First, some fun facts about these iconic feline time-tellers:

• They've been around since 1932.
• They have always been made in the USA.
• They were designed to spread happiness during the Great Depression.

And here's their fabulous creed:

Put a smile on everyone's face;

Love in everyone's heart;

Energy in everyone's body;

and Be a positive force in everyone's life!

And to that I say, "Yes, Let's!" 

Who's with me?  

Full disclosure: I have no rights to the Kit-Cat Klock picture... but I hope it's good for their business and they don't get too mad. Check out more about this cool company at their website.  

Head Tilt #37: Call Me Miss Spelling

                                  Bitmoji Me

I like to think of business writing as your avatar. It represents you when you are not around. 

Even in the day of acronyms, abbreviations and text-speak, spelling counts! And even with spell-check in place, some words are easily confused, and thus, misspelled. 

1. It's is only a contraction of it + is. It's never possessive. Ever. 

2. Fewer applies only to things you can count (for example, fewer cars) whereas less applies to things you cannot count, like sugar. 

    There are fewer cars on the road. (If you said "less cars" it would mean there were partial cars driving around.)

    I'd like less sugar in my coffee. (You could say fewer only if you are referring to fewer grains of sugar and that would just be weird.)

3. Lose or loose? When you lose something, you lose an O.

4. i.e. or e.g.? 

I. e. = that is. Latin: id est. Use i.e. interchangeably with the word specifically.

E.g. = for example (think: eggzample). Latin: exempli gratia . 

5. There is a place. There is a chair over there. Their is the possessive form of they. It's their chair. They're is a contraction of they + are. They're tired of these silly examples. 

6. Your is the possessive form of you. It's your choice. You're is a contraction of you + are. You're expected to know the difference. 

7. A lot is just that, a lot (think of a parking lot). Allot is to assign a portion. Alot is a misspelling in either case.

8.  Affect or effect? 

Affect is a verb; it indicates action and change. (A is for action.)

    This post might affect your spelling. 

Effect is a noun; think of cause and effect. 

    Appearing smarter might be an effect of this post. 😉

...Except every so often effect is a verb meaning to make something happen... and honestly, that one still confuses me.