Head Tilt 84: I'm a pro (crastinator)

 

I hate to brag, but…

I’m a master procrastinator. 🏆

Yeah, valedictorian-level. 🎓

I know I might make it look effortless, but I have an advantage.

Thanks to Tim Urban’s 2016 TED Talk on procrastination, I’ve learned that I have an Instant Gratification Monkey in my mind.

Don’t be fooled by his cuteness. He grabs the attention of the Rational Decision-Maker (me?) every time I try to do something productive. 

That little monkey takes me down the rabbit hole of perusing online retailers (I’m looking at you, Revolve), searching Instagram for updates on Noodle the Pug (It’s a No Bones Day! I must sleep in!), and reorganizing the books on my shelves by color… because those things are instantly more gratifying than whatever important task is at hand. 

MORE. DOPAMINE. PLEASE! 🙏😳

Luckily, Tim taught me that I also have a guardian angel of sorts, a red Panic Monster, who wakes up and freaks out anytime deadlines are closer than they appear in that little side mirror of my mind. He scares the Instant Gratification Monkey away and forces the Rational Decision Maker-me to get sh!t done. 

And the thing is, I always do; I always get things done. Admittedly, it’s often at the expense of lost sleep and a bunch of extra pressure on myself and those who live in my house, but I deliver the goods. And they’re good. 😎

Now here’s the part of the post where I tell you how I’ve overcome my procrastination, and I now plan everything out months ahead of due dates.

*sigh*

But that hasn’t happened. 

You can’t unring a bell, and you can’t dumb down an expert. 

If you’re like me, you might be trying to keep that little Instant Gratification Monkey well-fed but in line. It’s a constant effort. I have grown to accept that I actually work best and get more creative when a deadline is close, though. Now instead of kicking myself for putting things off, I trust that I’ll get things done when the need nears. I always do.

I encourage you to put off whatever you’re supposed to be doing right now and watch Tim’s TED Talk. You and your IG monkey will be glad you did.

https://www.ted.com/talks/tim_urban_inside_the_mind_of_a_master_procrastinator

Head Tilt #83: Remove the (listening) barriers!

What is getting in the way of your listening skills?

I'm always skeptical when someone tells me they're a great listener.

Why?

Because after teaching a semester-long college listening class for 15 years, I know that being a good listener is arduous work.

One thing I recommend to improve your listening skills is to identify what gets in the way of being an excellent listener.

This is not an exhaustive list (!), but take note of the ones that apply to you:

• Daydreaming (too much downtime or drifting off-topic)
• Stereotyping the speaker; judging the speaker before they even start talking
• Formulating your next response (remember: The purpose of listening is to UNDERSTAND, not to REPLY)
• Communicating from locked roles/scripts (I say this, and you say that... it’s the way it always is)
• Knowing too much or too little about the subject and tuning out accordingly
• Listening only for information that is congruent with your beliefs (selective listening)
• Listening defensively (with the goal of defending your position or crushing theirs)
• Not hearing anything you don’t want to hear
• Not liking the subject
• Problems listening to/comprehending the message because of the speaker’s enunciation, accent, organization, clarity, speed, volume, tone, inflections, emotions, differences, or appearance
• Problems with the communication channel (for example, face-to-face vs. phone)
• Problems with the motivation for communication (for example, does your job or relationship depend on it?)
• No time to listen/no bandwidth/no patience
• Assuming it’s the same story you’ve already heard and tuning it out
• Fatigue—being too tired to really pay attention
• Hunger—(having low blood sugar that makes it hard to pay attention!)
• Interrupting

To remove less-than-effective habits, try this: NOTICE-PLAN-PRACTICE-MEASURE

First, we notice what gets in our way. (You just did that! Well done!). Next, we create a plan to eliminate or reduce the ineffective habit. We then practice our plan and measure our improvement. Change doesn’t come instantly, but it is certainly possible and worth the effort.

For example, if you notice that you always tune out during an afternoon meeting because you’re hungry, you can plan to hydrate and eat a small healthy snack before the meeting. You could practice this plan and measure the results (see if it helps you pay attention), thus breaking through a listening barrier.

TOP TIP

Being a great listener takes time and presence. When you are short on time or attention, be prepared to communicate openly by respectfully saying something like, “I’d like to listen to you, and I only have five minutes right now… can we make a plan to meet later when I can give you my full attention?”

I know I always have areas to improve upon! Meanwhile, how will you improve your listening skills?

Awesome pic from pixabay ❤️

Head Tilt #82: PREP: The Goldilocks method for answering questions

The three bears probably used the PREP pattern
to answer all of Goldilocks' questions, don't you think? 

I have a question for you...

Are you good at answering questions on the spot?

 

By good, can you answer the question asked in a thorough yet succinct way that is easy for others to understand?

Do you know how much of an answer is too little, too much, or just right?

 

Consider these scenarios:

 

 

Scenario #1: Too much

In a board meeting, a board member asked a department VP for justification on a budget increase request. The VP’s answer, though accurate and understandable to him, was verbose and filled with technical jargon. The board member was visibly frustrated and curtly asked the VP to “bottom line it.”

 

Ouch.

 

Scenario #2: Too little

In a virtual training, colleagues from the Human Resources department energetically debated the effectiveness of employee engagement surveys. When one quieter team member was asked her opinion, she said, “They just don’t work.” Probed for more information, she quipped, “They are a waste of our time and the employee’s time.” She retreated to her quiet disposition, and the meeting continued.

 

Uh-Oh.

 

Scenario #3: Just right

In an interview, a candidate was asked which of the company values she identified with the most. She paused for a second and then answered,

 

“Innovation. Because I thrive on creativity and fresh perspectives, I resonate most with your company's commitment to innovation. For example, I’ve read about your brainstorming sessions where people from different levels and departments come together as a diverse think-tank of sorts. I would love to be a part of a company that not only talks about innovating but also creates situations for it to thrive.”  

 

            NAILED IT!

 

I’ve coached all three of the people in the scenarios above on how to answer questions using a simple, widely used (i.e., it’s been around for years) framework called PREP. 

 

PREP is the Goldilocks of responses ☀️

 

Point:         Lead with your bottom line.

Reason:     Give a reason or two to support your point.

Example:   Be specific with an example that expands upon your point and/or reason.

Point:         Restate your point.

 

The person in Scenario #3 did just that.

 

Question: With which of our company values do you identify?

Answer:

Point: Innovation.

Reason:  Because I thrive on creativity and fresh perspectives, I resonate most with your company’s commitment to innovation.

Example: For example, I’ve read about your brainstorming sessions where people from different levels and departments come together as a diverse think-tank of sorts.

Point: I would love to be a part of a company that not only talks about innovating but also creates situations for innovation to thrive.” 

 

Now, the one who is asking the question, in this case, the interviewer, can ask more questions based on that answer.

 

When asked the budget question again, the VP could say something like,

Point: We are seeking a budget increase of $XXX, which can look daunting at first glance.

Reason: Still, the plans we have to update and improve will make X Y Z more efficient and ultimately save the company money in the long run. 

Example: So and so is working on _______ in order to ____ and needs ______.

Point: A budget increase of XXX will ensure our success.

 

And then, board members can ask for elaboration or clarification on this answer.

 

If asked to participate in a conversation she has an opinion on but doesn’t know how to articulate it, the team member can say,

 

Point: No, I don’t think the engagement surveys work.

Reason: Employees have complained that not only are they a waste of time to complete, but they don’t see any changes happening as a result.

Example: In 2017’s survey, scores were low, and at the end of 2019, they were even lower, despite the efforts that were made.

Point: I think there is a better way to measure and increase engagement, but I am not sure what it is.

 

And team members can ask questions or piggyback on her answers.

 

P-R-E-P

Point-Reason-Example-Point

As with any communication tip, use it as a handrail, not handcuffs.

 

Try it and let me know if you get the budget increase, are recognized for your thoughtful contributions to the conversation, or get the job! 😉

 

The Birthday Post: It Gets Better

Earlier this week: I ❤️ my b-day!

I made it— another trip around the sun! ☀️

Since my last birthday, I:

• Completed my college textbook manuscript
• Took control of the direction of my career
• Went to Broadway and Carnegie Hall
• Danced in Central Park
• Ran my best half marathon
• Ran my worst half marathon
• Got another tattoo
• Saw many stunning sunsets
• Threw in the towel
• Fished said towel out of the trash, wrung it out, and tried again
• Laughed so hard —I cried
• Loved so much—I healed

 

As I joyfully skip (yes, skip!) into my 54th year, I ask myself:

 

Who am I?

 

Really... Who am I?

 

I define myself by many labels such as woman, mother, wife, daughter, sister, niece, aunt, friend, runner, trainer, teacher, student, coach, author, goofball, etc.

 

But these descriptors aren’t who I am, really. They are roles that guide how I show up in various environments with specific audiences.

 

I am also creative, thoughtful, insecure, sensitive, funny, moody, playful, smart, messy, empathic, demanding, guarded, and kind.

 

But those words aren’t who I am, either. They are qualities that explain my values, disposition, and actions.

 

So, again I ask myself, who am I?

 

I guess I am still not sure. 🤷‍♀️

 

Reflecting on my life— especially this past year— from where I stand today, I can confidently say that while life isn’t easy,

it

gets

better. ☀️

 

Little by little, I keep getting better, too.

 

With that insight, I have a feeling it’s going to be a good year. 

Thank you for all your encouragement along the way.

Are you ready for new adventures?

Let's go!

mw