Head Tilt 84: I'm a pro (crastinator)

 

I hate to brag, but…

I’m a master procrastinator. 🏆

Yeah, valedictorian-level. 🎓

I know I might make it look effortless, but I have an advantage.

Thanks to Tim Urban’s 2016 TED Talk on procrastination, I’ve learned that I have an Instant Gratification Monkey in my mind.

Don’t be fooled by his cuteness. He grabs the attention of the Rational Decision-Maker (me?) every time I try to do something productive. 

That little monkey takes me down the rabbit hole of perusing online retailers (I’m looking at you, Revolve), searching Instagram for updates on Noodle the Pug (It’s a No Bones Day! I must sleep in!), and reorganizing the books on my shelves by color… because those things are instantly more gratifying than whatever important task is at hand. 

MORE. DOPAMINE. PLEASE! 🙏😳

Luckily, Tim taught me that I also have a guardian angel of sorts, a red Panic Monster, who wakes up and freaks out anytime deadlines are closer than they appear in that little side mirror of my mind. He scares the Instant Gratification Monkey away and forces the Rational Decision Maker-me to get sh!t done. 

And the thing is, I always do; I always get things done. Admittedly, it’s often at the expense of lost sleep and a bunch of extra pressure on myself and those who live in my house, but I deliver the goods. And they’re good. 😎

Now here’s the part of the post where I tell you how I’ve overcome my procrastination, and I now plan everything out months ahead of due dates.

*sigh*

But that hasn’t happened. 

You can’t unring a bell, and you can’t dumb down an expert. 

If you’re like me, you might be trying to keep that little Instant Gratification Monkey well-fed but in line. It’s a constant effort. I have grown to accept that I actually work best and get more creative when a deadline is close, though. Now instead of kicking myself for putting things off, I trust that I’ll get things done when the need nears. I always do.

I encourage you to put off whatever you’re supposed to be doing right now and watch Tim’s TED Talk. You and your IG monkey will be glad you did.

https://www.ted.com/talks/tim_urban_inside_the_mind_of_a_master_procrastinator

Head Tilt #83: Remove the (listening) barriers!

What is getting in the way of your listening skills?

I'm always skeptical when someone tells me they're a great listener.

Why?

Because after teaching a semester-long college listening class for 15 years, I know that being a good listener is arduous work.

One thing I recommend to improve your listening skills is to identify what gets in the way of being an excellent listener.

This is not an exhaustive list (!), but take note of the ones that apply to you:

• Daydreaming (too much downtime or drifting off-topic)
• Stereotyping the speaker; judging the speaker before they even start talking
• Formulating your next response (remember: The purpose of listening is to UNDERSTAND, not to REPLY)
• Communicating from locked roles/scripts (I say this, and you say that... it’s the way it always is)
• Knowing too much or too little about the subject and tuning out accordingly
• Listening only for information that is congruent with your beliefs (selective listening)
• Listening defensively (with the goal of defending your position or crushing theirs)
• Not hearing anything you don’t want to hear
• Not liking the subject
• Problems listening to/comprehending the message because of the speaker’s enunciation, accent, organization, clarity, speed, volume, tone, inflections, emotions, differences, or appearance
• Problems with the communication channel (for example, face-to-face vs. phone)
• Problems with the motivation for communication (for example, does your job or relationship depend on it?)
• No time to listen/no bandwidth/no patience
• Assuming it’s the same story you’ve already heard and tuning it out
• Fatigue—being too tired to really pay attention
• Hunger—(having low blood sugar that makes it hard to pay attention!)
• Interrupting

To remove less-than-effective habits, try this: NOTICE-PLAN-PRACTICE-MEASURE

First, we notice what gets in our way. (You just did that! Well done!). Next, we create a plan to eliminate or reduce the ineffective habit. We then practice our plan and measure our improvement. Change doesn’t come instantly, but it is certainly possible and worth the effort.

For example, if you notice that you always tune out during an afternoon meeting because you’re hungry, you can plan to hydrate and eat a small healthy snack before the meeting. You could practice this plan and measure the results (see if it helps you pay attention), thus breaking through a listening barrier.

TOP TIP

Being a great listener takes time and presence. When you are short on time or attention, be prepared to communicate openly by respectfully saying something like, “I’d like to listen to you, and I only have five minutes right now… can we make a plan to meet later when I can give you my full attention?”

I know I always have areas to improve upon! Meanwhile, how will you improve your listening skills?

Awesome pic from pixabay ❤️

The Birthday Post: It Gets Better

Earlier this week: I ❤️ my b-day!

I made it— another trip around the sun! ☀️

Since my last birthday, I:

• Completed my college textbook manuscript
• Took control of the direction of my career
• Went to Broadway and Carnegie Hall
• Danced in Central Park
• Ran my best half marathon
• Ran my worst half marathon
• Got another tattoo
• Saw many stunning sunsets
• Threw in the towel
• Fished said towel out of the trash, wrung it out, and tried again
• Laughed so hard —I cried
• Loved so much—I healed

 

As I joyfully skip (yes, skip!) into my 54th year, I ask myself:

 

Who am I?

 

Really... Who am I?

 

I define myself by many labels such as woman, mother, wife, daughter, sister, niece, aunt, friend, runner, trainer, teacher, student, coach, author, goofball, etc.

 

But these descriptors aren’t who I am, really. They are roles that guide how I show up in various environments with specific audiences.

 

I am also creative, thoughtful, insecure, sensitive, funny, moody, playful, smart, messy, empathic, demanding, guarded, and kind.

 

But those words aren’t who I am, either. They are qualities that explain my values, disposition, and actions.

 

So, again I ask myself, who am I?

 

I guess I am still not sure. 🤷‍♀️

 

Reflecting on my life— especially this past year— from where I stand today, I can confidently say that while life isn’t easy,

it

gets

better. ☀️

 

Little by little, I keep getting better, too.

 

With that insight, I have a feeling it’s going to be a good year. 

Thank you for all your encouragement along the way.

Are you ready for new adventures?

Let's go!

mw

Head Tilt #81: Building a brand with free flowers and food

Goodies from our Valentino/Bergdorf adventure

“When life offers you free flowers, say YES!”

My 17-year-old son said that to me when we walked into the luxury department store Bergdorf Goodman in New York City.

I usually shy away from such high-end establishments, but after a treat of tea at the Plaza Hotel, it seemed natural to browse the beauty of Bergdorf’s.

What we didn’t know was that the fashion designer, Valentino, was having a special promotion.

The scent of fresh-cut blooms greeted us as we entered the store. At a cheery pop-up flower cart, people stood in line for beautiful spring bouquets made of gerbera daisies, ranunculus, roses, and more. Courtesy of Valentino, flowers were free for everyone.

Brendan was eager to get in line.

I was not.

Pragmatically I thought—what would we do with flowers? We were flying home the next morning.

(Also, a small voice inside me also said, “I don’t belong here!”)

Then Brendan said, and I quote, “When life offers you free flowers, say YES! What kind of story do you want to tell?”

BAM! (Out of the mouths of babes, right?)

We got in line.

We learned that after the flowers, we could head to the second floor for a free pastry and the seventh floor for complimentary coffee or hot chocolate.

We were intrigued.

As we waited for our bouquet, a statuesque, stunning model slowly walked through the crowd in a $7K (!!) Valentino evening gown. This was unreal. (We were not in Santa Cruz anymore.)

Next, we made our way to the second floor for our pastry. Brendan chose a baguette, and I selected the rugelach. The happy server packaged them with a warm smile and told us not to miss the shoe section.

More fine-art gallery than shoe department, we perused the stunning creations.

Soon we took the escalators to home goods for our caffeinated delight. Brendan ordered a mocha, and I sipped an almond milk latte. We adorned each with the goodies at the side of the coffee cart. We were having so much fun!

Looking through the different departments, I found the perfect Earl Grey tea (Mariage Frères) for my favorite aunt. It was likely the least expensive thing in the entire building, but see what they did? I spent money there, after all.

(A small voice said, “Maybe I can belong here?”)

If I haven’t made it clear:

I am not Valentino’s target customer.

Nor am I Bergdorf Goodman’s ideal shopper.

But Valentino’s promotion, coupled with the welcoming staff I encountered while browsing Bergdorf’s, changed my perception of these two ultra-high-end brands.

For me, what they did was better than an ad in Vogue or a story online; previously elite and anonymous to me, now both labels elicit positive vibes.

What a wonderful example of building a brand.

Because who knows? Someday I might require an exquisite evening gown. I know exactly where I’ll look for it.

PS: I am so glad my son nudged me to say yes to this experience and that I have this story to tell!

What are you saying YES to today?