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| What is getting in the way of your listening skills? |
I'm always skeptical when someone tells me they're a great listener.
Why?
Because after teaching a semester-long college listening class for 15 years, I know that being a good listener is arduous work.
One thing I recommend to improve your listening skills is to identify what gets in the way of being an excellent listener.
This is not an exhaustive list (!), but take note of the ones that apply to you:
- Daydreaming (too much downtime or drifting off-topic)
- Stereotyping the speaker; judging the speaker before they even start talking
- Formulating your next response (remember: The purpose of listening is to UNDERSTAND, not to REPLY)
- Communicating from locked roles/scripts (I say this, and you say that... it’s the way it always is)
- Knowing too much or too little about the subject and tuning out accordingly
- Listening only for information that is congruent with your beliefs (selective listening)
- Listening defensively (with the goal of defending your position or crushing theirs)
- Not hearing anything you don’t want to hear
- Not liking the subject
- Problems listening to/comprehending the message because of the speaker’s enunciation, accent, organization, clarity, speed, volume, tone, inflections, emotions, differences, or appearance
- Problems with the communication channel (for example, face-to-face vs. phone)
- Problems with the motivation for communication (for example, does your job or relationship depend on it?)
- No time to listen/no bandwidth/no patience
- Assuming it’s the same story you’ve already heard and tuning it out
- Fatigue—being too tired to really pay attention
- Hunger—(having low blood sugar that makes it hard to pay attention!)
- Interrupting
To remove less-than-effective habits, try this: NOTICE-PLAN-PRACTICE-MEASURE
First, we notice what gets in our way. (You just did that! Well done!). Next, we create a plan to eliminate or reduce the ineffective habit. We then practice our plan and measure our improvement. Change doesn’t come instantly, but it is certainly possible and worth the effort.
For example, if you notice that you always tune out during an afternoon meeting because you’re hungry, you can plan to hydrate and eat a small healthy snack before the meeting. You could practice this plan and measure the results (see if it helps you pay attention), thus breaking through a listening barrier.
TOP TIP
Being a great listener takes time and presence. When you are short on time or attention, be prepared to communicate openly by respectfully saying something like, “I’d like to listen to you, and I only have five minutes right now… can we make a plan to meet later when I can give you my full attention?”
I know I always have areas to improve upon! Meanwhile, how will you improve your listening skills?
Awesome pic from pixabay ❤️