Head Tilt #56: So, tell me what you want, what you really, really want (Recognition Series 3/4)

Hugs or High-fives?

In the previous two posts I shared my personal favorite recognition stories. 

This tilt of my head is all about effectively using praise as a form of recognition. 

Remember the platinum rule? (It's one of my favorite things to teach.)

"Treat others as they want to be treated."

Positive, impactful praise requires thought; it needs to be tailored to the recipient. 

To sharpen your recognition skills, think of each co-worker/direct report/friend and consider the following:

Are they extrinsically or intrinsically  motivated? Are they driven by visible rewards or by the sense of completion and success?

Do they prefer public or private praise? When in doubt, praise privately.

Do they prefer simple or detailed communication? Are they a bottom-line person or will they benefit from more specific praise?

Do they prefer face-to-face recognition or would it be best to send in an email*? Some "hear" the praise better if it's in writing. They can review it and see the specifics. (Promise me that you will never, ever send constructive feedback in an email, though. You can't control when they'll open it, nor how they will interpret your tone. Promise? Good.)

Do they like high-fives, handshakes, or hugs? Know before you lean in!

Do they prefer Starbucks or Peet's? 

    Just kidding-- kind of. If you're going to go this route, try to make it less generic. Aim to match the individual's tastes. I once received a gift card to a steakhouse... and I'm a vegetarian.

When in doubt, ASK. 

    Use me as your fall-guy/gal. Tell your team you read this article on recognition and you want to know what counts as acknowledgement for them. 😊

What type of recognition motivates you? 

Who can you recognize TODAY?

But wait! There are several more posts about recognition!

• This one shares the time I was recognized when things went wrong. 
• This one is about the time I think I did a really good job at recognizing my group's efforts, even though I broke some rules in the process.
• This one give fresh ideas for recognizing others (beyond a coffee card or mug!)

The comment feature isn't working, but I'd still love to have a conversation! Email me at 53thingsIthinkIknow@gmail.com

Image by Graphics@ HandiHow from Pixabay 

Head Tilt #11: Forget the gold, I'll take the platinum, please!

The Golden Rule— We've heard it since we were kids. 

"Treat others the way you want to be treated." 

Ugh.

When you really think about it, that is so self-centered and presumptive!

Hear me out: Is it okay for me to operate through life thinking that everyone wants to be treated just like I do? 

Let's test-drive this with some of the ways I like to be treated at work. If the Golden Rule is in place then it's safe for me to assume that:

• Because I like praise for things I do well, then everyone else probably does, too.  Therefore I should give lots of praise to everyone. (Wrong! Some people don't need it or want it!)
•  Because I like to work autonomously, then everyone else must like to work without much  supervision, too. Therefore, I should manage others that way. (Wrong! We all have different working styles!)
• (Pre-Covid) Since I liked being greeted by close co-workers with a friendly hug, then everyone else must like this, too, so let's all lean in!  (Um, let's not!)

Several years ago I learned of the Platinum Rule and I haven't stopped telling others about it since. 

Coined by communication guru, Milton Bennett, the platinum rule posits that the way to enhance empathy and connection is to treat others the way they want to be treated. Instead of viewing the world through the lens of me-me-me, we adapt our communication to other's needs and preferences.

I have an outgoing, outspoken, fun friend, let's call her Mel, who illustrated this well when she told me a story about positive feedback she gave one of her co-workers. The team succeeded on a tough project and Mel was stoked! As she approached the parking lot at the end of the day, she saw her teammate across the way and yelled, "Hey Ninja! You ROCKED it today! I'm grateful for you!" 

(This was exactly how Mel liked to be recognized, by the way.)

Her co-worker, however, was quite introverted. Mel's high-energy praise embarrassed him. To hear Mel tell it, she says he might as well have melted into the blacktop. Mel's intent was positive-- she wanted to acknowledge his hard work. Her impact fell flat though, since he didn't feel great about her kind (and loud) words. Who knows if he even really heard them through his embarrassment?

Quick learner that she is, Mel quickly scrapped the Golden Rule and upgraded to Platinum. 

The goal of any communication should be to get a message to another as effectively as possible. That doesn't mean as easily as possible, or as quickly as possible. Effectiveness, in this arena, calls for a mindful adaptation to other's needs. 

But how? 

There are two ways to figure out how someone likes to be treated. 

First, ask. Make space for conversations about people's preferences. Sticking with the example of recognition, in a staff meeting ask employees how they like to be recognized for good work. Remember: Your goal is for the communication, in this case recognition,  to have a positive impact. Amazon gift cards might be easy, but they might not stand out as special, either. Maybe a note to the boss would be better. 

The other way to find out how others like to be treated is to pay attention. You might need fewer check-ins on a project, but you notice that your direct report asks lots of questions and requires a bit more guidance. Adapt to their needs. Don't assume they' are just like you.

When it comes to market values, gold and platinum prices fluctuate. When it comes to communication, however, platinum rules.

Treat others the way they want to be treated.

Photo by Dima Valkov from Pexels