Head Tilt #5: "Michelle, you have leukemia."

Twenty-four years ago on March 13, the oncologist called me on the phone to tell me I had leukemia. 

 My world turned upside down.

The rest of that year would be riddled with shots, transfusions, chemotherapy, wigs, and trips to the ER. 

That year was also colored by so much love, laughter, hope, prayer, sunrises, sunsets, dog kisses, and joy.  

Whenever I am asked how I became who I am today, I always think about that experience. While I still hate cancer and wouldn't wish it on anyone, I loved the way I showed up during my dance with the diagnosis. 

I was more positive.

I said "I love you" more often.

I cut out a lot of the BS.

I noticed the things that I'd so often ignored (Hello, Sunrise!) 

I appreciated this great gift of being alive.

I let go of the things that didn't matter and embraced those that did. 

For me, the most challenging part of surviving cancer is living those lessons without a life-threatening illness staring me in the face. Sometimes I fall back into old patterns, but when I am mindful I look at the world through the lens of love and gratitude. 

The way I show up is always a choice, no matter what the circumstance. 

Photo by Hernan Pauccara from Pexels

 

Head Tilt #1: Between stimulus and response

The Response Spectrum

While remaining authentic to our experiences and emotions, when we are mindful 
we can choose responses that move closer to kindness and further from cruelty. 

 "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies your freedom and power to choose your response. In those responses lie your growth and your happiness."

Viktor Frankl   Stephen Covey

Attributed initially to respected Holocaust survivor and Austrian psychologist Viktor Frankl, closer inspection pairs the quote with Stephen Covey (The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People).

To be honest, I really don't care who said it; I'm just glad I read it.

We get triggered (stimulus) --> and we react (response).

BUT WAIT!

When responding to others in defense-producing moments, by taking a few more deep breaths and waiting a few more moments between what happens and what we do about it...

We engage our prefrontal cortex (the smart part of the brain), and we activate the power of choice!

When we put distance between stimulus and response, options appear. Do we want to respond with kindness or cruelty? Support or superiority? Somewhere in between? 

When auto-pilot isn't an option, we awaken will.

And once mindful enough to allow space between stimulus and response, we can examine our communication choices through the lens of kindness. That doesn't mean being inauthentic. Instead, it means we choose the best response available to us at that moment. We may choose to bite our tongue, walk away, or ask a good question. In a heated moment, instead of swearing or name-calling, we might choose a less offensive word. The point is that we choose.

Other ways to put distance between stimulus and response include:

• Knowing your why and who you want to be.
• Removing yourself from the situation until you calm down (also a choice you can make once mindful of the options).
• Engaging our senses and quickly noting one thing we see, hear, smell, feel, and taste.

Our communication choices make an impact. 

Choose to be mindful.

Then, choose the kindest response available. 

Be kindful. 

"In those responses lie your growth and your happiness."

mw