The Divorce Post: Gotta get bad before it gets good

Metaphorical Me

Note to anyone who stumbles upon this: Often, I process my feelings best through writing. This is one of those times. Not a head-tilt, not a lesson, just what's going on for me right now. I hope some might relate. 

I recently made a major life change. 

I finally filed for divorce from my partner of 29 years. Even though we’ve been separated for nine tumultuous months, it was the toughest decision I've ever made. Ever.

As much as I know that it was the right thing to do, right now

It
Is
Simply
So
Hard.

Right now, I am like a skydiver who chose to jump out of a plane.

You see, they're in a free fall for about 50 seconds after the jump.

In those 50 seconds, as exhilarated as they are that they finally made the courageous choice to jump,

I bet they are also frightened.

Will they find the ripcord?

Will the parachute work?

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right now, that's me. 

I made an informed, mindful, albeit difficult, choice.

I jumped out of a metaphorical plane. 

Not by whim, yet out of necessity.

And now I'm in a free fall.

Scared. Panicking. Wondering if I'll crash.

No. 
Not me.  

Soon, I'll find the ripcord, pull it, and my parachute will help me glide toward what’s possible and what’s next. Even better, maybe I'll find my wings. 

Until then, I honor all my feelings of fear and uncertainty because, eyes wide open, I chose this, and I trust my decision.

I am continuously growing and learning through this change.

If you, too, have made a significant change, accept that it will be hard for a bit.

A dear friend of mine said it's like jumping off a moving train: You'll roll a few times before you find your balance and stand on your feet.

Plane or train

Free fall or roll

It gets better.

Hang on.

Sometimes, it's gotta get bad before it gets good.

But it's going to get good.

So very good!

Onward. ☀️




Head Tilt #89: Now Hiring: Security Guards



Would you hire yourself as the security guard for your own well-being?

In a world of career changes and upskilling, I encourage us all to add the role of Security Guard to our personal résumés.

A quick search of top requirements for great security guards revealed commonalities such as

  • Observation skills  
  • Communication skills
  • Fitness
  • Team Player

What if we pledge to become our own security guards, fiercely committed to protecting our energy and mental wellness?

To hone observation skills, we prioritize vigilance. We stay alert, not paranoid, and scan for risks to our well-being, external or self-imposed. We thoughtfully discern the severity of any irregularities and respond accordingly. Is there a meeting coming up where one participant consistently disregards our input? We commit to putting distance between that stimulus and our response, thus decreasing the impact of the trigger. How about that one friend who always talks but never listens? Maybe we pass on the next suggestion to get together. Did we stay up too late watching Black Mirror? We acknowledge the impact that choice has on our mood and plan a restorative break.

To embolden our communication skills, we become masters of awareness and assertiveness. While respecting ourselves and others, we speak up to set boundaries and speak up again if they’re ignored. We commit to practicing empathy. We know when and how to de-escalate situations that throw us off balance. We pair mindfulness with kindness and choose the best communication we are capable of, especially in tricky situations. We are kindful.

To escalate our physical fitness levels, we honor our need for sleep, nutrition, and movement. We create evening rituals that get us to bed on time and limit screen time. We feed our bodies well (pass the blueberries, kefir, and leafy greens, please!) and say no thank you more often to sugar and alcohol. We say yes to movement that makes us smile, whether that be lifting, running, skipping, or twirling. We catapult the quality of our mental fitness by nourishing our minds with meditation and positive inputs like podcasts and music. We guard against negative inputs like mindless scrolling and needless social media comparisons. Our inner bouncer never lets our inner critic seize the microphone. We passionately protect our fabulous selves.

Finally, though security guards appear to work alone, they are always part of a bigger team. We enhance our team player skills by surrounding ourselves with good people who also protect their well-being. We nurture these relationships, playing the roles of teacher and student as needed—their wellness matters to us. We listen to them when they notice we are off track, and we offer to sub when they can’t fill their own shift.  We thrive together in a community of compassionate, kind people.

Would you hire yourself as a security guard for your own well-being?

I might still be an apprentice, but I am on my way to getting the job.

Join me? ☀️

Head Tilt #88: Don't Worry, Be Imaginative


Signs, signs, everywhere signs. This gem is at a little store less than a mile from my home. I drive by it every day. It's not wrong: Worry certainly is a misuse of imagination!

To re-route worry, we can imagine a better outcome and do the next right thing. Here are some examples of moving from wasteful worry to positive possibilities. 


🍋 Are you worried about that big presentation to the executive team that's coming up?

💡 Imagine the results of a job so well done that they write songs about you! Consult a colleague, practice your speech, or review your notes. Do something to take a step toward making that positive possibility a reality.


🍋 Are you worried about your appearance as we slide into shorts and swimsuit season?

💡 Imagine how good you'll feel when you make peace with yourself, stop caring what others think, or go shopping and find something that you feel sensational in! Do something to take a step toward making that positive possibility a reality.


🍋 Are you worried about your future now that your youngest has graduated and is off to college? (Oh, wait, is that just me?)

💡 Imagine a future so bright you have to wear a cute sunhat. Take a class, nurture your network, feed your friendships, and look inward as much as outward. Dream a bigger dream and do something to take a step toward making that positive possibility a reality.


What can you do right now to re-route the energy you're using to worry toward a brighter vision of what's possible?

Whatever it is, you know I am here, wearing a cute sunhat and cheering you on! 

The Slide: My thoughts on motherhood, graduation, and empty nests

Note to anyone who stumbles upon this: Often, I process my feelings best through writing. This is one of those times. Not a head-tilt, not a lesson, just what's going on for me right now. I think/hope some moms and/or new empty-nesters might relate. 












I’ve climbed the ladder of the world’s tallest slide!

18 years of ascension, with my son by my side.

 

Up, up, up!

 

18 years of me:

 

  • Loving

  • Teaching

  • Guiding

  • Supporting

  • Protecting

  • Championing and

  • Mom-ing

 

my son. 💕

 

At his high school graduation this past Friday, together we reached the top of the ladder. It was a wonderful, worthy climb!

 

And the next few months, the last I have with him as a resident in my home, SWOOSH! Together down the slide, we’ll go.

 

When we reach the bottom,

he

will

FLY.

 

And I will savor every moment with him until then.

 

I will cherish:

 

  • Hearing his ragtime piano playing throughout the house

  • Watching the final seasons of Mad Men with him in the evenings

  • Listening to his brilliant brain as he educates me about all the things that fascinate him

  • Traveling to the City and seeing the museums through his eyes

  • Saying good night to each other in our own silly way as we pass by each other’s rooms

  • Making his favorite blueberry pancakes for breakfast

  • Even doing his laundry and cleaning up after him

 

All of it.

 

Down, down we’ll go until the day that he takes flight into the next fabulous phase of his life, the moment we’ve been preparing for all this time—when he heads off in the world toward his next adventure, independent of me.

 

Pride doesn’t capture the magnitude of the feelings I have. I can hardly wait to see what’s next for him. He will not only fly, but he will SOAR!

 

In an unanticipated turn of events, I will fly too.

 

Upon his departure, I will be living on my own for the first time in my life.

I will spread my wings and go

 

up, up, up...I’ll fly as high as I can!

 

All the stronger, better, and more inspired

 

Because I am his mom. ❤️