Let's just call her Mary. She's the one who humiliated me greatly and taught me even more, all with one comment.
It was 2004, and my book, Dancing with the Diagnosis, had just been published by a small press. I was so excited! After all the work, revisions, and publishing house queries, I was a published author!
I spoke at book shops (remember those?) and did a handful of radio interviews. I even got to speak on an internationally broadcasted television show to a live audience of 3,000.
It was a dream come true! My story about cancer was positively impacting others!
Wait, back up.
Just before the actual book hit the store shelves, a friend of a friend hooked me up with a Toastmasters group (an organization I truly respect!), that was doing a summer speaking series. They were interested in having new authors talk about the publishing process. They invited me to speak to a small group of about 30 people, all of whom were committed to the craft of speaking in public. As a public speaking instructor and soon-to-be published author, I was thrilled!
Before the presentation, my contact, "Mary", asked if I wanted feedback from the group.
That made sense: this was an organization where people practiced public speaking before each other in order to improve. However, because I was a guest speaker, I told Mary that I welcomed written feedback, but I'd feel odd to be critiqued verbally in front of the group.
She agreed. I proceeded.
My speech went so well! I did everything I coached my students and clients to do: Strong introduction, liberal use of transitions, extemporaneous delivery, etc. I spoke for 18 minutes and then took questions from the audience. I was happy!
At the end of every Toastmasters meeting, people with certain assigned roles give the speakers feedback on their presentations. There is even an appointed "um counter" who tallies the vocalized pauses in each presentation.
As the meeting closed, Mary, who happened to be the evening's um counter, stood up with her tally.
"Mina had zero ums!"
"Jeff had 5 ums!"
"And, Michelle Waters, the public speaking instructor, had 23 ums!"
(Cue the sound of a record scratch!)
The audience looked around awkwardly.
Some people gave sympathetic smiles.
Some shrugged their shoulders.
I was embarrassed.
I know I didn't say um during my speech. Not once. What the heck was Mary doing? I sat there, feeling very small.
When the meeting concluded, I approached Mary. I had figured it out.
Me: I didn't say um once during my speech, did I?
Mary: Nope! Not once during your speech.
Me: It was all in my Q&A, wasn't it?
Mary: Yep! When you didn't know what was coming, you resorted to um.
Oh, what a great lesson I learned!
We practice for the "big event" but so often forget that we are on before and after that event as well.
Though I didn't appreciate being called out in front of everyone, I can say with confidence that I rarely say um during a question and answer period ever since.
Thanks, Mary.
Image by Roland Steinmann from Pixabay