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| That's me! |
The other day I went surfing for the first time in more than 25 years!
It was a stellar adventure, and I can hardly wait to go again and again.
I didn't stand up (not yet!), but I did ride a wave, and I got tumbled a couple of times. 🌊🌊🌊
I
loved
every
minute
of
it.
I'm getting ahead of myself, though.
For the past 30 years, I've lived in Santa Cruz, California, aka "Surf City."
Whatever, Huntington Beach 🙄.
I have friends who surf, but I've steered clear of the ocean for almost three decades.
Why did I stay away?
Because I defined myself by these statements:
I am not ocean savvy.
I am a runner, not a surfer.
Surfing is my ex-husband's thing, not mine.
Those statements introduced powerful stories about who I am and what I do and don't do.
And though each line had a modicum of truth, I wore them like permanent tattoos. I let them color every conversation about why I don't surf.
I was the poster child for "That's my story, and I am sticking to it!"
Until I didn't stick to it.
The other day on a very long solo road trip back from Southern California, I reflected on my self-imposed surfing descriptors.
In crept curiosity. I had a lot of time on my hands, so I let it ride shotgun.
What if I told a different story? What if those beliefs could still stand, and I could add a word or phrase that left room for new possibilities?
I am not ocean savvy yet.
I am a runner, and I surf.
Surfing is Jim's thing, and I am trying it out.
I called a friend from the road and said I wanted to try surfing. By the weekend, I had a fantastic wetsuit (known to me now as my Sea Spanx) and warm booties. I also borrowed the biggest, pinkest surfboard I've ever seen!
Before I could have second thoughts, we were in the ocean!
When I wiped out, they cheered loudly and congratulated me on getting that over with. 😆
We had a blast.
With curiosity by at my side, I've started to challenge other tired descriptors I've believed.
"I am bad with directions."
"Math isn't my thing."
"I couldn't sell anything if my life depended on it."
Wait, what?
I don't even want to listen to those stories, let alone tell them!
Those stories are all about limitations.
I want to be limitless ⚡️☀️
I want to disprove those statements.
I
want
to
tell
better
stories.
I want the same for my clients.
Here are actual phrases I've heard from leaders in the corporate classroom throughout the years:
I don't praise people; that's not my style.
I am conflict-avoidant. It's just who I am.
I am not going to change the way I talk to my team. I've done it this way for 20 years.
Each of the above statements contributes to dysfunctional teams, decreased engagement, and leadership deficits.
Together we rewrite better stories.
I don't praise people; that's not my style. But what if it was? How would my team and I benefit?
I am conflict-avoidant. It's who I've been for a long time. I'd like to learn how to get past this.
I've been talking to my team this way for my whole career. Maybe I can try something new and see what happens.
Telling better stories begins with noticing those statements you are currently using to define who you are and what you do.
Get comfy, take out a pen and paper, and make a list of sentences you use to describe yourself.
Then, invite curiosity to sit beside you. Trust me, it wants what is best for you.
Which statements serve you? Are they supporting the you you want to be? The leader you want to be? The friend you want to be? If not, how might you tweak them?
TOP TIP: If they don't serve you, stop saying them!
Case in point: I am truly not that much better with directions— yet. But you'll never again hear me say, "I'm bad with directions."
NEW BELIEFS = NEW STORIES.
Go tell better stories! 🏄♀️