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| Alexa, are you listening? |
“I murdered my grandmother this morning.”
That’s what Franklin D. Roosevelt reportedly murmured to each guest he met in a long receiving line when he was president.
He wanted to test whether or not people actually listened to him.
Most people smiled. Some said, “thank you” and others said, “How kind.”
Only one retorted, “I’m sure she had it coming to her.”
(Originally reported in 1954, even Snopes can’t prove or disprove this story.)
How do you know if someone is listening to you?
I have a Spidey-sense for it. I tune into the timing of comments, the sound of clicking of keyboards through the phone, and the disjointed auto-responses.
I’m known to stop talking and ask, “Is there a better time to talk? I sense that you’re distracted.”
I also think I’m pretty good at covering it up when I’m the one who is not listening. Watch me slyly Google the weather in Scotland while a friend details her frustration with the barista who gave her almond milk when she ordered oat milk.
No matter how good I am at deceiving the speaker, it’s not cool.
Research of more than 3,600 professionals at all levels from 30 countries concluded that those who tout their excellent listening skills are the same ones who also confess to multitasking and “tuning out” during conference calls.
Another study of students in grades one through 12 (think ages 6 through 18) determined that listening declines with age.
What?! I am way past age 18, so it’s safe to say I’m in trouble. We all are.
As defined by the International Listening Association, listening is “the process of receiving, constructing meaning from and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages.”
It’s complex.
It takes time.
It takes effort.
And it’s one of the most valuable skills we can hone.
If we don’t spend more time improving our skills, soon Amazon’s Alexa might be the only one who is listening.
This post is part of a series that is inspired by (and partially lifted from) my business communication textbook, It’s All of Our Business, co-authored by Dan Rothwell and published by Oxford University Press, 2022.
Photo by Anete Lusina from Pexels