That's what crossed my mind and passed through my lips when Facebook reminded me of the swearing contract my son created for me three years ago.
My son is 17 now, and when I showed him the damn(ing) photograph, we laughed and then had a great discussion about swearing.
First, for context, I rarely, if ever, swear at others. That's not okay, and it's against everything kindful communication stands for. I do swear with others and about things.
I think swearing became a part of my DNA after tending bar throughout my undergrad and graduate schooling. Like I've tried to explain to my son, you can take the bartender out of the bar, but you can't take the bar out of the bartender…
Love it or hate it, swearing does have its benefits.
As a public speaking instructor, I've long known that a speaker can harness the power of a perfectly placed swear word. Emotionally charged words can get an audience's attention and reinforce a speaker's passionate appeals. Depending on the audience and the word choice, colorful language might make the presenter appear more authentic and less scripted. No, I don't coach people to drop F-bombs throughout their speeches, but if used for emphasis, swearing can move people to action. (3)
Further research revealed a few more fun facts about my forbidden word choices:
- The average American swears five times per hour. This statistic is a little hard for me to swallow, and I couldn't find the original study, so I'll just translate it as "Americans swear a lot." No doubt, the pandemic factors into that finding. Words caught by profanity-filtering software that scrubs online discussions have tripled since the beginning of the pandemic. (1, 3)
- In studies of the effect of language on pain, research psychologist Richard Stephens found that those who repeated a cuss-word of their choice while holding their hands in ice water could endure this discomfort 50% longer than their non-swearing peers. Much like a wolf's primal howl, swearing gives us an essential outlet. (Oh, and swearing supposedly reduces pain more strongly in women than men. Go figure. 🤷♀️) (4)
- Here's one I particularly like: Swearing can improve workouts because it reduces stress and anxiety. It turns out that shouting a taboo word is somewhat cathartic. I'm going to try this and get back to you. (1)
My son likes to say that swearing is a sign of a poor vocabulary. (How dare he!) Not even close. "Fluency is fluency," says swearing scholar Dr. Timothy Jay. Several language studies confirm that cussing does not correlate with a limited vocabulary. (HA!) On the contrary, the more words you know, the more words you know, both profane or mundane. In my defense, only a cuss word will accurately communicate how I am feeling in some situations. (5)
Finally,
- Swearing with, not at, your friends and co-workers can help alleviate stress and build a stronger bond. It demonstrates intimacy. Linguist Michael Adams says, "It's something you're not supposed to be doing, but you trust them." (2)
I am not encouraging you to swear.
You be you.
But if you do swear every now and then, do it with intention!
Now you'll be better equipped to defend your m*th*rf*ck*ng word choices.
Post script: Justified or not, I am acutely aware that I broke a commitment to my kid. 😔 I’m working to make sure that doesn’t happen again.
Anderson, David. “The Average American Utters 80 to 90 Curse Words Every Day. Here's Why It's Good for You.” Business Insider, Business Insider, 16 May 2021, https://www.businessinsider.com/swearing-good-for-workouts-work-life-health-2018-12
Chaker, Anne Marie. “We're Cursing More. Blame the #%$ Pandemic.” The Wall Street Journal, Dow Jones & Company, 20 Dec. 2021, https://www.wsj.com/articles/were-cursing-more-blame-the-pandemic-11640008801.
Leland, Karen Tiber. “New Research Shows That Cursing Can Help You Be a Better Public Speaker.” Inc.com, Inc., 8 June 2017, https://www.inc.com/karen-tiber-leland/new-research-shows-that-cursing-can-help-you-be-a-better-public-speaker.html
Warden, Ian. “Swearing More than Usual? Studies Show Covid Stress Is Making People Swear More.” The Canberra Times, 31 Dec. 2021, https://www.canberratimes.com.au/story/7565035/masking-modern-anxieties-with-the-classics/.
Wong, Kristin. “The Case for Cursing.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 27 July 2017, https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/27/smarter-living/the-case-for-cursing.html.