Head Tilt #36: It's practically personal!

 Did you know:

• that giraffes can't swim? 
• that elephants can't jump?
• that Scotland's national animal is the unicorn?
• that in any conversation we have two needs: personal and practical? 

All of these facts surprised me, but only the last one was a game-changer. It gave me a wonderful lens for human interactions.

In any conversation, we have a practical need and a personal need.*

The practical need is the objective of the interaction. 

The personal need is the human connection piece that accompanies that practical need. 

Say a neighbor comes to your door to borrow some sugar (hey, it's still a thing. Ask my neighbors--I run out of baking supplies all the time). 

They come to you with two needs:

• Your neighbor's practical need is easy to identify: they need sugar.
• Their personal need might be a desire to be treated well. Along with that practical objective of getting some sugar, they might also have the personal need of connection, kindness, or something along those lines. 

Often though, when we are 

too busy, 

too tired, 

too moody, 

too hungry, 

or just not mindful, 

we cut right to fulfilling another's practical need and we skip the personal need completely. 

Imagine throwing a bag of sugar in your neighbor's hands and slamming the door. Their practical need would be met. But what about their personal needs?

Great communication requires awareness of both needs.

The most common personal needs are to be heard, to be understood, and to be respected. 

Here's another example: you approach your partner to tell them about your stressful day. Your practical need is to inform them about your experience, or maybe you just want to vent. Your personal need is for them to listen attentively with care and compassion. These needs are two sides of the kindful** communicator's coin.

In the workplace, too, particularly when dealing with customers, it's easy to jump straight to the practical need, i.e., the service you provide. Depending on your business, customers might come to you for practical needs such as assistance (help desk), teeth cleaning (dental office) or caffeine (coffee shop). But they have those unspoken personal needs too; they'd like to be heard, understood, and shown a modicum of respect.

Don't fulfill the practical need without addressing the baseline of personal needs, too. 

You'll be amazed at the difference! 

*A special thanks goes out to Development Dimensions International (DDI) for teaching me about the personal and practical needs when I became a certified trainer of their material. 

**Kindful = mindful + kind

Awesome giraffe pool float image by jacqueline macou from Pixabay

Head Tilt #35: Workouts, noodles, texts, and email

I am a runner. I run six days a week: distance, hills, and sprints, and I love it. 

BUT:

If I jet out the door too quickly and launch into a full stride, I'll pay for it later. My right hamstring will sharply remind me of its important role. I won't be able to ignore it. 

Bottom line: When I warm up with intentional stretching, things go well. 

When I don't warm up, I risk injury and ultimately have to pay in the form of time off from doing what I love to do. 

Here's my muscles-as-noodles metaphor:

No Warm-up: No bueno. My muscles are like uncooked noodles-- stiff and ready to snap. My experience is rarely as enjoyable as it could be.

Warm-up: Wow! My muscles are more like al dente noodles: Just right and ready. The experience is so much better!

I think our communication is the same way. In this case, the warm-up might be a simple hello, or maybe, how are you? 

My muscle metaphor pertains to written communication in the workplace, specifically texts and emails.

No warm-up (no salutation, frame for the conversation, or indication of intent) = No bueno. The recipient of your message is like an uncooked noodle: Inflexible, unprepared, and might snap.

Warm-up (kindful salutation, frame for the conversation, or indication of intent) = Wow! The recipient is al dente and ready to respond.

No matter what channel of communication we use, when we "warm up" our audience, things are bound to go a bit smoother than if we skip the warm-up completely and launch into what we want. A we-orientation beats me-orientation every single time. 

Here's what the warm-up of a communication workout looks like.

Text conversation: 

When initiating a new text thread, say hello before conveying that thing that popped into your mind; you know, that idea that you felt an impulsive urge to type up and then had to immediately press send. You have no idea what the receiver of that text might be doing or feeling at the time they receive your abrupt communication. Before you text an out-of-the-blue command or query to a co-worker, telling them what you need from them, warm up the conversation with a greeting. It can make a big difference in how they interpret the rest of your text. 

Check the tone of these texts:

        "I need XYZ from you."

        "Hi. I need XYZ from you."

        "Hi! I'm checking in about XYZ. Can I get that by day's end?"

Please don't say that you're busy and that you don't have time to add an exclamation point or a couple of extra words. Each of those examples took me less than ten seconds to type-- and I am a lousy typist. 

Email conversation: 

If initiating a new email thread, warm up by setting the tone and intention, and think about adding some context.

Compare these two: 

    "Sam: We need to meet about project XYZ. Contact me ASAP."

   vs.

    "Hello Sam! Let's set up a meeting to discuss the XYZ project. Specifically:

• status update re: milestones and deadlines

• extra resources needed (if any)

     When are you available this week? 

    Thanks!"

(Ok, the second one took a little bit longer but is worth the mindful pause.)

Today's takeaway:

Don't skip the warm up!

Remember, a real, live person is at the end of your written communication. Business communication is not synonymous with impersonal messaging. Like a warm-up is to a workout, a couple of extra keystrokes can make the interaction so much smoother. 

Image by Jan Vašek from Pixabay

Head Tilt #34: Lessons from Disney #4 of 4 Play!

Me, in Disney's California Adventure on April 19, 2021 @ A Touch of Disney

One of my favorite rides at Disney's California Adventure (DCA) is Guardians' of the Galaxy - Mission: BREAKOUT! It's a drop-sequence thrill ride and I could ride it 

all 

day 

long. 

As with every Disney attraction, there's a detailed story behind it. The least you need to know now is that riders are asked to raise their hands high in order to have them scanned for security clearance.

Quick reality check: We'd have "security clearance" regardless because it's all pretend. There is no scanner, just fancy lights on mounted machines.

The thing is, there are four times throughout the experience when riders are asked to raise their hands. 

FOUR TIMES!

I've counted.

And most people, regardless of their age, raise their hands every single time.

Why? 

Because the ride is so much more fun if we all play along! 

When I went to DCA for a food event this week, the rides had yet to reopen due to the pandemic. Even so the magic and the permission to play was still there. 

I saw Mickey Mouse happily dancing behind a short fence and I jumped for joy! I'm pretty sure I embarrassed my son by squealing with excitement, too.

I saw Pluto waving from a balcony and I excitedly waved back. 

Mr. Incredible flexed his (padded) muscles for the crowd and I cheered him on. 

It's so much more fun to play along!

Today's lesson: Well... hmmm....I hope you're not disappointed that there's no big correlation to leadership, service or communication. 

It's been a tough year. I just want to remind you that when you are ready, no matter where you are, you have permission to play. We all do!

Every once in a while (or often—your choice!) we can consciously choose to:

• suspend judgment

• unleash imagination

• tap into wonder

• exhale, and

• PLAY!

"Show me those hands, people! You got clearance. 

Now let's roll!"

Rocket Raccoon, 

Guardians of the Galaxy - Mission: BREAKOUT!

Head Tilt #33: Lessons from Disney #3 of 4 Everything Speaks

Photo of The Matterhorn at Disneyland by Brendan Waters

Walt Disney is famous for following the philosophy of "Everything Speaks." 

He knew that excellent service exceeded the interactions between the cast members (employees) and the guests (customers). The customer experience extended to everything guests could encounter with their senses. 

The following well-known bits of Disneyland trivia exemplify Walt's belief that Everything Speaks. Rarely is anything done by accident in the Disney Parks. Intentionality prevails.

• The music in each land purposefully reflects the theme of each area. For instance, the 1930s-inspired music loop that timestamps Adventureland or the yodeling polka that accents the Swiss Alps' Matterhorn Bobsleds.

• The scent of popcorn greets visitors when they enter the park as if they were walking into a magical movie.

• Walt famously had trash cans designed with lids so guests wouldn't have to see the garbage inside. Trash isn't part of the Disney magic unless it's Forky the Spork from Disney Pixar's Toy Story. Each trashcan in the park is strategically placed for ease of waste disposal. Each is also painted to match the theme of the land it's in. 

• The terrain changes immediately as guests step into a new land. In Frontierland, the dirt-colored nests imprints of horseshoes and wagon wheels, whereas in Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge, tracks embedded in the ground reveal the past travels of droids. Not only does it look different, it also feels different to the soles of guests' feet. 

• Oh, and that tap-tap-tapping you hear at the train station in New Orleans Square? It's Walt's dedication speech on Disneyland's opening day. 

Disney trivia buffs (like my son) can give you many, many more details you might not know. Disney's attention to detail continues to blow my mind!

And still...

Most of us don't work at or live in Disneyland. (I wish I did!)

For context, let's take Disney's lens into our daily business transactions. 

If everything speaks, what is everything saying? 

• Are the menus sticky in a restaurant? That sends a message.

• Is the scent at a coffee shop as expected (delicious) or does it smell of cleanser? That sends a message.

• Is the carpet in the lobby of a building spotted and stained? That sends a message.

• Is the signage in a parking lot or foyer clear, accurate, and easy to understand? That sends a message.

• Is a company's website up to date and simple to navigate? That sends a message. 

• Are customer email inquiries answered promptly and courteously? That sends a message. 

• Are you replying to the customers or your team's emails in a timely fashion, or are you hoping for "I'm busy" excuses poor communication? Not sending an email sends a message. 

And, of course,

• Are the people who interact with the public happy to be there and happy to help? That sends a message. 

I've asked many organizations throughout the San Francisco Bay Area what messages they might be unintentionally sending to their customers.

• Police officers have confessed that the interiors of their cars are a mess (and this matters because they have many citizen ride-alongs). 

• Municipalities noticed that parking was awful and customers were frustrated before they even came in the door.

• Executives realized their offices were disorderly and less than welcoming, which, in turn, sent an unintended message to their visitors and internal customers. 

Today's lesson: 

If everything speaks, make the messages intentional. 

Recognize and reinforce the right messaging.

Manage or make up for the messaging that isn't in alignment with your mission, vision, and values!.

And for my fellow Disney fans,  I'll conclude with one of my favorite Walt Disney quotes:

"Whatever you do, do it well. Do it so well that when people see you do it, they will want to come back and see you do it again, and they will want to bring others and show them how well you do what you do."