Yesterday this little blog hit 1800 views!
It's only been up for a month and I am only half-way to my goal of 53 solid posts!
I was elated!
I felt like this:
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| Happy Michelle |
For about 15 minutes.
And then I felt like this:
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| Sad Michelle |
Here's a peek into what was going on in my mind:
Who do I think I am?
What will I write about next?
I'm so dumb!
Why did I start this?
I am such a fake.
I don't know sh!t.
Well hello, Imposter Syndrome.
Heads up: This post is not about something I've researched or taught.
It's about something I know a lot about because I live with it.
I'm very familiar with Imposter syndrome. It happens when someone thinks they are a fake and that they are mere moments away from being exposed, despite the evidence around them that says otherwise. I've been struggling with it for much of my adult life.
Luckily, one of the few benefits of getting older is that I am getting a bit more nuanced at dealing with it. Full disclosure: I haven't eliminated it...yet.
Through experience, here are four things I try to do to move past it.
1. I get my mind's bouncer involved.
I got this idea from best-selling author Alan Cohen. I have a bouncer that stands at the door of my mind and lets only invited guests past the red velvet rope. When all the insecurities approach, my bouncer checks the guest list and tells them to get the heck out-- they're not on the list! If the negativity slips in the back door as it did yesterday, my bouncer can do a quick scan of my mind and kick it out.
2. I give imperfection a hug (or at least a gentle pat).
I heard long ago that "perfection is not of this world." John Steinbeck wrote, "And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good." Guru Brene Brown has made a fabulous career from talking about The Gifts of Imperfection. I accept that my writing will always have a typo, my smile will always be a bit crooked, and try as I might, I'll continue to sway a little when speaking to a group. I am coming to loosely embrace the idea that I am perfectly imperfect. That helps me exhale.
3. I scan the evidence for the good, not just the bad.
I am a pro at finding proof of my shortcomings and areas for improvement. That's ok as long as I also accept the evidence that says I'm on the right track. After a class I led today, for example, I ignored the praise and went straight to figuring out what I could have done better. I'm committed to improving, but for the best assimilation, I know that improvement needs to rest on a base of strength.
4. I keep on keeping on.
I have no idea how I'll get to my 53rd Head Tilt. As I type this, I am not sure that this one will even count! I don't know what I will post tomorrow, but if I keep on keeping on, I'll have another idea. My track record proves that. The next day I'll have another one. And then another one. And someone will read it, at least one person. (They might be related to me, but I'm good with that.)
So here's to all my fellow human beings who, like me, deal with being very human, indeed.
What you do to call B.S. on the imposter syndrome?
P.S. Through writing this, I realize I need to hire a bigger, better bouncer. I wonder if Bongo from Who Framed Roger Rabbit is available...
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